Denzel Washington on the Single Life

 I know this is Denzel Washington and I’m Not, But… but so many of his points are Exactly what I have  been learning, thinking and experiencing as I continue into this journey of being single.

 My immediate concerns of emotions of sadness and loss after her passing have given way to an inner sense of realizing that hey, I’m Ok. One day while walking downtown it hit me… I am So Happy! I immediately felt guilty. Like is this OK? Is it OK to feel happy? Am I right? Am I wrong? What do you mean? I’m happy I didn’t mean any disrespect to my wife or to her memory. It was just a spontaneous feeling I had of exhilaration it was during the hurricane I was going downtown and plugging in my devices every day and then walking down for coffee and then the process I would meet people and just have a few words of you know how’s how things going for You I kind of just share the moment and you know in that process I suddenly discovered a sense of energy I was energized. I ended up doing some volunteer work with one of my neighbors. I met people at the kiosk where I was plugging in my devices, including a woman who was several years older than myself, but who had been reading a book that was very much in my interest area and we just had a great conversation. We had absolutely nothing in common, and we never would have met were not for the hurricane and for me being on my own because if I were in my former circumstances, I would’ve been much more concerned about the welfare of my wife and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that But I don’t have that anymore and instead of feeling the total loss and absence, I’ve discovered a new sense of fulfillment a new sense of being free to be me and even when I say that, I don’t mean it to be egotistical in fact that’s probably my biggest problem is my own self-loathing That’s a term I picked up in another book. I read so at least I know I’m not alone in that self critical point of view, but I think listening to Denzel and listening to other folks on YouTube and I loved it when Denzel referred to it as YouTube university. I thought I invented that phrase but of course not It’s a pretty common thought. The main thing is that just as I’m dictating these thoughts now I’ve discovered a new freedom for being able to think out loud being able to do what I call thought storms and just let my feelings flow and just be in the moment being who I am and not worrying about..Really about anything. I feel like I’ve done my best as a father and a husband and as an employee I’ve always given 100% I’ve always given it more than 100% of my total effort and I think we did OK I mean, I think I did OK and what I mean by that is the results are not necessarily a full reflection of your effort you can try to do the very best you can and things work out OK or you can be a total sleaze bag apparently and things still work out OK for some people and that’s something I’ve observed it’s not all the result of what I do or the degree of effort, I put into it I guess when I say effort, I mean emotional effort. I love my wife with all my heart and she loved me and I think that’s another part of why I feel so comfortable why I don’t feel very lonely I think because we covered all the bases we lived our full adult lives together and we did everything we wanted to do together and there were things we just didn’t do and pretty much because we didn’t want to do them. We never did any international traveling. We didn’t buy big fancy cars or the most expensive house we could buy we just lived within our means and thank God for that and thank God for Saving and putting money aside instead of wandering it I still have enough to live on and that’s another aspect of this you do need money. You absolutely need money to live, but you don’t need more than you need. If that makes sense as long as you can stay warm and stay cool and stay dry and eat well and travel to see your friends And family. That’s really all you need and I’ve seen situations where if a person has too much money that can certainly hurt so I believe in the middle path and that’s the path I intend to stay on but back to Denzel‘s point in this video and why I’ve recorded it here or kept it here because it is it’s inspirational I think because he’s a celebrity. It does add a little weight to his words, but I’ve listened to other people other men who are not celebrities just regular average people like me who have found a certain peace and freedom in being alone And not trying to please other people all the time and not feeling lonely just because they’re alone I think that’s the biggest discovery and Denzel made a very, very, very good point. The loneliest feeling you can have is when you are in a relationship and you feel disconnected that is a lonely feeling. And that is a feeling that I’m aware of, but I have to say, thankfully that I did not go through that very often or at all certainly there were times when we felt disconnected we felt at odds with each other, but we tended to argue it out and then more or less make up not in the sense of Make up sex or anything kinda biological like that or romcom kind of like that just that you know, we’d kinda let it simmer let it settle and then go back to our baseline of. We really love each other. We really cared about each other and even if we get into silly arguments, we know that we have the parameters of love, but as I said, I don’t have that anymore and instead of seeking it instead of looking for someone to take her place, I’m not looking for that at all. I’m looking to myself to get along with myself and make the most of life And just enjoy it pretty much the way Denzel describes you do have a great new sense of freedom and rather than worry about it or fear it you need to embrace it.