Live and Learn

 

Spoiler Alert: After all of this thought and reflection… Bob texted me tonight, all is well with Richard for me bringing Jennifer and so we’re good to go 😊

All right, today's session is literally self- therapy, self-t talk, trying to figure something out. Whoops, get my little swirlies going. You know, dealing with other people suddenly single, you know, it is part of that because if Tess was here, this situation wouldn't come up. So therefore, it's legitimately under dealing with people, you know, now that I'm a single person. Okay. So, friends of mine invited me over for dinner. I enjoy their company. I enjoy them and we've been getting togetherquite quite a bit. It's been wonderful. So I said yes, you know, and then after I said yes, I thought, well, I would like to invite my neighbor friend because we've been doing things together just recently and it's it's a new environment or a new experience for both of us. But, you know, I've mentioned these people to her and I've I believe I've mentioned her to them. But anyway, I called and I said or I text I said, "Would you like to go out for dinner with me?" um to my friend's house on on Saturday. And you know, Iwas waiting for the response and she said yes. She and and here's the deal. I mean, it was nice. That was wonderful. And I said, "Thank you. Thank you so much." And then I called my inviting friends over and I said, "Hey, is it okay if I bring this other person with me?" And I assumed that they would just say, "Sure, that's great. They'd love to meet her." But instead they hesitated and the hesitation turned into, you know, I'm not sure. So now I'm sitting here in limbo. And so I, you know, I texted them and I said, you know, uh, Ididn't mean to spring it on you or whatever. I was a little bit apologetic for putting them in an awkward situation. Um, but I said, you know, she's very nice. I think you'd really like her. And uh you know, she's I tried to be a little tongue and cheek. I said, you know, she's a lot less trouble than Zeke, and I'm not going to bring Zeke, but they haven't gotten back to me yet, so I'm in limbo. So, here's the deal. Was I wrong? I guess technically I was. You know, they invited me over and I took the liberty of inviting someoneelse without asking permission upfront. So, that's my phaua. Now, why didn't I ask up front? Well, because I didn't know if she would be willing to go. I didn't know if she would go. So, I was kind of, you know, let me see if she's free and if she wants to come with me, that would be great. I assumed that they would be welcoming welping welcoming her with open arms. And so I think that's what is kind of mystifying me is I you know I'm not I'm not sure why they're so reluctant. You know uh the other peopleinvolved there's another couple involved and I know them too and I know they would be open to it. Maybe the first inviting couple wants to make sure it's okay with the other couple that they invited. And if that's the case, you know, given a few more hours or maybe the the day, I imagine that they'll get back to me one way the other. And I'm hoping I really am hoping that they say, "Yeah, that'd be great because then that means uh, you know, we can initiate or continue a friendship and then continue to build onit because, as I said, this person that I'm talking about is a really good person. She's more of a kind of a more of their type certainly than I am, but they have put me on this pedestal and and that's fine. I mean, I'm not fighting it all the time trying to be open-minded to, you know, I'm an okay guy, but anyway, I'm in a very awkward situation. And, you know, yeah, I can hear Tessa, well, you never should have done that. Well, maybe not. But here again, if the do unto others and I know it's I know it's hypothetical, but Iknow that if this situation were reversed and if it was any of my friends that who were suddenly single and they were now dating someone or asked if they could bring that person with them to something I invited them to, I would certainly say, "Yeah, by all means, I would." And I have. I mean, um, we don't invite people over and I don't know that we ever will, but you know, having a having another person join, I don't think is upsetting the apple cart. And, you know, I didn't go into elaborationsabout, you know, I'll bring my own food, water, wine, beer, everything else. I mean, they kind of know that. And if they respond in a positive way, then I will offer that. I'm not coming over certainly not going over there to mooch food off of them. And it's not like saying I'm bringing my sister and her three friends or kids. Um we went with through this with another social event where they invited my adult kids to come and the grandkids and they didn't come. And you know if they had come it wouldhave been that much greater. There certainly would have been a much bigger issue, mouths to feed and so forth than just people. But here here I am in this situation. So what do I have to do? I have to somewhat, you know, take emotions out of it, be objective, and then kind of make a little bit of advanced planning. I don't have to theoretically don't have to overthink it, but I will because that's my nature. But if by chance they come back, let's put it the on the good side. If they come back and say, "Yeah, that'd begreat. We talked it over. That'd be great." Then good. Then I'll tell them more about her and and I'll say, you know, what would you like us to bring? And everything else. Now, if they say no, then it puts me in a very awkward situation, which is why I'm counseling myself. What do I do in that awkward situation? Then if they say no, and you know, we still look forward to seeing you. I'm going to say, "No, I'm sorry. I I made this commitment. I already said in the first note, I'm not going to uninviteher. That would that would be rude and that would be hurtful. And so, no, I'm not going to say, well, change of plans. I'm going to go and, you know, have a nice Friday or Saturday, whatever. No, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to keep my commitment to my friend and I'm going to say, I'm sorry then, you know, maybe next time with my other friends. But, you know, I I just feel like that would be so wrong. I'm I'm so mystified by why they would hesitate like this. Every other occasion, they have severalpeople. They have a lot of friends and they have had various size groups from small to larger. But never, except for me being the third wheel, have they indicated that they wouldn't want me to have, you know, a a partner there, a plus one. And with Tess and I, it was always debatable whether Tess would come. And we've made a big thing about how she came turned out to be the last time out that she went out at their place, which was very sentimental. But I don't think it's loyalty to her that they're worried about. I don't thinkit's that at all. I think I think whatever reasons they were planning on drinking ice water. They were planning on her or they were planning on me being part of what would be a five, you know, a party of five. Me being the fifth one, I'd be the fifth wheel. Now, I'm not going to oversell it. I think I've sold it enough. I've certainly given them their reasons. I've apologized for anything awkward. And then that's it. It's up to them. No more sales pitch and no more um enumerations about how sorry I am orwhatifs or maybe this because it will change the dynamics. It will change my perception of them. Um, I don't want it to, but it kind of will. And I certainly, it would certainly, if I ever end up saying this out loud to my friend friend, it would certainly change how then she would perceive them. So, it just creates a very, very awkward situation. Now, my plan is to wait, to wait patiently. Patience is a virtue. That's why it's a cliche. And I'm going to wait patiently. And I'm going to see whatthey say. And I think if they say just me alone, I'm going to say, "Sorry, I can't do it now because I've now made this invitation which I intend to keep. And maybe next time." and then let that let that sliver fall. You know, if they re-evaluate, then then so be it. But I'm not going to leverage it. I am not going to leverage it. I'm going to let it be what it is. People have their needs. They have their issues. They have their wants, their needs. And I'm just a player. And you know, I do have a right even ifI invited without, you know, asking first. Put the cart before the horse. And I'll use that cliche. I put the cart before the horse, but I'm not inviting, you know, eight horses. I'm inviting one to be my accompaniment. And I don't really think that's much to ask. So, I'm going to sign out for now. And hopefully this will just be a learning experience.