Rediscovering Ourselves Part 1

Okay. >> Hey there, YouTubers. This is Pete and Alice having another in I keep looking for the right word without, you know, overstating it. Having another fascinating discussion about self-discovery, rediscovering ourselves as suddenly single. >> That's it. >> You know, >> that's it. >> And part of that is just like we were just talking about rediscovering our dogs, too. you know, rediscovering our dogs is truly a member of the family, you know, kind of almost>> Yes, that's and they would behave differently if we weren't single. >> See, you're right because you're exactly right. They are like like I was saying, they're kind of like toddlers. And when you are married or when you have other focus of responsibility or relationship, you can't spend all your time doing a toddler. But with when when they're gone, oh, all of a sudden, you know, they become your best friend, your confidant. And you know, for me, I'vediscovered that I'm trying to listen to him, too. I literally find myself more taking more of a conversational mode, like, well, what do you want? You know, let's go down together. He'll just look at me with that big grin. Eventually we find Yeah. >> And you were saying that what what started this? You said you and Eliza were playing out in the front yard without a leash. >> Yes. That's our new activity. And she loves it. And of course I love it because she's so having so much fun.>> And like you said, you can throw a ball and she'll bring it back. She'll play with it. >> Yeah. She'll chase the ball, bring it back. Now, this morning when we were out there, a dog was being walked on a leash across the street and she was looking. So, I just went and stood by her. I didn't panic, you know, or run over there and hold her. I just went and stood by her. >> But like you and I were saying, neither one of our dogs are runners, so they're okay being left off theleash. >> But that's great then. So, she saw the other dog, but she didn't go run to to be with him or bark at him. >> He was whining at her or she was whining at her. But no, she didn't try to go over there. >> Great. That's a really big step. That's that's my really my only fear, so to speak, is that either another dog would lure him out there and, you know, then they get into it or whatever. I mean, he would never hurt a dog, but vice versa, I really don't know. But then, you know,if he were to go that distance, I'd just be afraid about a car or anything else. But like we were saying, I bring him over to Jennifer's and he he runs to her door. He's just happy to be there and shows no interest in running away or doing anything. So, it's been great. It's been really liberating. >> It is fun. It's just I think we feel more like a um >> a supportive parent instead of a controlling parent. >> Yeah, we're Exactly. supportive insteadof controlling and that we're trying new things to meet their needs. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's I'm telling you, I had a discussion today. We'll leave it at that. I went to I I visit I met with friends this morning had coffee then I had another great discussion and now I'm with you and um truly the topic has been almost all day this kind of mode of self-discovery because you know when it first hit me I was devastated you know I like I was in shock you know I can't believe the love of my life is gone whatam I going to do what am I going to you know I was just literally numb in a way and just didn't know what future or any future I had. I was done, finished, wanted to be done. And you know, um, in this kind of mode of moving forward over these last several months, this last year, I've discovered that I'm actually closer to the other people in my life, including including my little dog. And um it's been a it's been like we were talking about self-discovery. >> Well, I think for me,you just think back on how you live with your family of origin >> and then if you go off to college, you'll have a roommate or not. Then some people have lived the rest of their lives suddenly single, you know. Um, however, the interesting part of all this adventure for me has been that I know myself better now than I ever have in my life. >> Well, see, wow, that's a great that's a great statement. Um, and you're right. Uh, I think when you're growing up, you know, in a way without even beingaware of it, you're all about yourself. But I think when you get older, you kind of start, you know, thinking of yourself in relation to other people. And um, you know, which is fine, but you lose yourself a little bit in that process. And you know, you don't want to be completely self-absorbed ever. But I think kind of like we're saying in effect kind of forced into this situation, suddenly you're forced into it. It is a little bit sink or swim. And once you decide to start swimming, you know,putting one stroke against the next or in front of the next, one step in front of the next, you you find out you can walk. You know, it's just odd. It's just >> and you're taking risks. You're taking chances to do things that may blow up in your face. >> Right. Right. You're exactly right. >> And you know, when my husband was alive, we would talk about things together. So when you're suddenly single, you can talk to friends or children or relatives about decisions,but it's you're the one left with the responsibility. >> Excellent. Excellent point. You can air it out if with people you trust. You're right. You can air it out. you can maybe, you know, float some ideas, maybe get their opinion or their thoughts. It's a risk, that's a funny thing. It's kind of a risky thing because people are automatically going to give you feedback. They're going to give you their opinion. Then you kind of have to say, okay, so you know, how far am Igoing to take this opinion towards my ultimate decision? But like you said, ultimately you sit there and say, I got to make a decision. I've got to make a decision all by myself here. And I just did that recently with a car. And uh you know, I debated it, debated it, studied it, watched YouTube. Hey, we forgot to mention our our new best friend, ChatGP. >> That's right. >> Oh my god. I uh Alice, I got a text from my daughter and I was so thrilled with this text. It was the simplest thingand that's why it was so great. It was nothing profound, nothing like, oh wow, boy, what in it was just a real real conversational text where she was expressing her opinion. And I I was thrilled. I I was thrilled. And I to be honest with you, I I even when I responded, I couldn't help but be the parent and give a little advice. I tried not to do too much, but even that she kind of took with a grain of salt and it was good. But what part of what she was telling me and why I'm saying this toyou in this conversation, part of what she was telling me was she discovered chat GTP and she said this is the greatest thing. She used it to write a letter. She she she wrote her own letter, then she gave it to chat and and it modified it and she liked the modified version and she used she used that. >> I like the way that they give you small chunks and then they use numerals to you know underneath the first paragraph they may have four numerals with different points. It's so reader friendly and userfriendly. >> It is exactly and and you know it's kind of like having a friend >> with a whole lot of knowledge. >> Hey Zeke. >> And you know we've been we grew up in the pretty much these later years in the age of the internet. We could look stuff up with Google and so forth. But with chat you can actually just talk about it. So I needed to know about a certain diagnosis or condition. And I said, "Do you know anything about this ABC?" And she said, "Sure. What do you want towhat do you want to talk about? What do you want to know?" And we just talked about it. And um I it was it was a different learning experience. And yeah, maybe theoretically I could talk to you about it, but you wouldn't you wouldn't be expected to have any answers, but chat does have the answers as far as the uh you know, the facts about it. And um so I just found that very useful and uh and and just great. Uh so we're this is a great age we're in this age of the computer age or whatever. And yeah,robots might turn around and turn us you into who knows uh cabbage farmers. I don't know. I I can't think of anything. But you know there there are things people are worried about. But that's been the way with all technology. Right now I'm just kind of thrilled by it. and um it's fun to use. So that's that. Um now self-discovery, you you were saying, will you tell me, you know, kind of give me an example again of what you feel like you've been discovering about yourself?Well, I've been discovering how much more capable I am than I ever thought I was. That I can learn new things. I can ask questions. I can get answers. And that makes me feel more secure and grounded. And that's because for the last 10 years I have been doing things myself because I was suddenly single 10 years ago. And so that's one thing. The other thing is how playful I am. >> Yeah. Yeah. And you and I have talked about this maybe in one of our other podcasts, but >> yeah,>> my husband was, as you know, he was um >> um a little introverted and and he >> didn't like being the center of attention like I do. I love to be the center of attention. Not all the time, but I like it in small doses. And I've realized I'm much more playful and animated, using jokes and having fun bantering with people. And he's not there anymore to tell me to tone it down. Please don't do it. >> Which that I never minded that. But I'm just able nowto be acting on ideas I have without needing to check with someone else. Um I guess it's more I can be more unfiltered. Is that right? >> Yes. Yes. >> And I think that's been very playful and fun and I've enjoyed it. Um, I've also learned that I don't mind being alone as much as I thought I did. And that has been a calming force for me. You know, it's just nice to get up in the morning and I'll sing to the dog and do what I need to do and then um give her herbreakfast and then I may eat breakfast, I may not. I may go on a walk. I may, you know, every day I can just change up everything and make it work for that day. If I were to meet someone and start living with someone, I'm not saying that that would go away because in part, you know, there'd be negotiations about, well, you may not enjoy this, but this is very important to me and I need to do it. >> Right. Right. And maybe I didn't do that as much after I was a young bride, youknow, but um yeah, it's just learning things about your personality. I've learned that people do think I'm funny and they like my sense of humor and um you know it's just discovering who you are under all those layers of things that our culture has taught us, our parents have taught us, our spouse may have taught us, our kids My sons used to ask me not to sing in the car when there were other children in the car. >> Uhhuh. Uhhuh. >> You know, just society and um you know,even as a child growing up going to church, you know, you were taught things there that you should and shouldn't do. So, it's lovely to be able to check out things and decide, you know, is this something I want to do? Is it loving? Is this kind? Is this good for other people? Well, maybe not. So, I don't want to do that. Um, if that makes sense. you know, just discovering who you really are without being part of a couple. It's who you are with yourself. And like I said, I think couplehood iswonderful. I'm not at all saying I didn't enjoy couplehood, but I'm just saying that right now it has been a new experience to learn all these things about myself. I'm hearing you and I'm hearing you and I I I very definitely understand what you're saying and I'm I'm going to throw in my kind of two cents experience here with that because like you said you find yourself in effect uh being filtered with your partner and that could be good and it can be good you know but whileyou're saying that I'm thinking yeah when we're sitting there at a restaurant or whatever and maybe I start talking or whatever suddenly I'm getting thumped on the on the thigh. Thump, you know, you know, or kicked under the table, you know, and uh you know, it's like and then you you say, "Oh, what what what is it?" And then you get in trouble for that because you're just supposed to get the message, shut up, you've said enough or shut up, you know, you're too much or whatever.And so, you know, sometimes we would talk about it afterwards. Sometimes we'd argue about it. Sometimes we just let it go. But but like you said, there's nobody thumping you there anymore. At least not physically. So part of me has to be aware that well maybe I am going too far or saying too much or whatever and self filtering. But >> yeah, now that's a good point. Instead of having someone else point it out, you're having to read the room. >> Right. There you go. Oh, that's a goodone. That's a good one. And >> you know, and think, you know, think maybe I'm talking a little too loud, right? Or maybe I'm maybe I'm you know talking too much or >> Yeah. >> I just find I just feel like I'm more authentic now. >> I love that too. I love that word. Yes. And I think it's you're well placed being authentic, which you know that's another kind of word that's become invogue, but it's but it's true because when you are trying to model after amodel, just put it that way, trying to role model after what you might be told or thought is the proper way. >> It may not be you, you know, it may not be you. Maybe you are a little different than that. So now and it is a learning process. Suddenly you know even if you're inhibited from going out when you finally start reexposing yourself to society on different levels and especially your own friends. You're getting to know yourself by allowing by being allowed to be yourself. And I think it it isinteresting and it's a little scary again. Uh but the rewards are pretty great. And I think the irony of all this is that um couplehood like you said. It's it's something you search for. I'm going to say it this way. Something you search for all your life. Oh, I hope I meet the right person. Oh god, I hope I meet the right person. Oh, I I just wish and this and that. you just completely focused on hoping and wishing whatever that you meet the right person and fall in love and do all that. Now, eventhough I I lost that that person, I do feel at least we had it and I learned so much from it that I don't feel that same sense of urgency to try to find it again. I am starting to get into a new relationship and and you've, you know, developed a new relationship and that's another good part of all this. But I'm not looking to duplicate what I had. I'm not looking for her to be like the other person. I want to learn to know her as her and like you said, and and really kind of theoretically anyway, be morehonest about who I am. So, I'm gonna I'm gonna cut us off because we're at this 23 minute point where we probably don't want to overdo it. Let me stop our tape. This is part one of self-discovery and I'll start it again if that's okay with you. >> Yes, that's fine. >> All right. Let me see if I know how to do it.