Rediscovering Ourselves Part 2

 

All right. So, this is part two of self-discovery, suddenly single and self-discovery. And uh so Alice and I are talking about these things and why I love you, Alice. First, these are not in any particular order, but first because we are truly friends. And I, you know, we don't need to go into accolades about that too much, but I think having a a true friend of the opposite sex, the opposite gender is very meaningful because you you really get to know a person, but you have a different point of view. You have adifferent you lived a different life as a as a female, as a girl than I did as a guy. And that's a good thing. You know, we learn different things in different ways. But um you know uh so I value our friendship and I value my men friends too but I think this is unique and we'll just start with that. Oh, I know. Oh jeez. Yes, man. Oh, man. It is so funny. But but yeah, so we were we were talking. So, um I was saying I used to get thumped on the leg if I started to get a little too loud or a little too rambunctious andyou were saying that, you know, Dave would kind of say, "Calm down, Alice." You know, you know, because he he he didn't want all the attention. So, we had our we had our moderators, but now what? Have you let's let's put it this way. Have you felt as liberating as it is, have you felt like you've fallen off the rails anywhere and said too much of the wrong thing or anything? Not yet. Um, no. I don't I don't really I guess I'm guarded enough for survival. Yeah.To not in other words, I realize there's social mores. There's um you know well social mores you know that are in place as to how we are to act. And I um as far as in relationships, I stay um in check with myself. In other words, I am more observant of other Am I answering what you ask? Yeah, just go ahead. You're you're right on. Go ahead. Yeah. Okay. In other words, if I'm with a group of people and I'm constantly assessing what's going on, um because there's no one else to pick upon something, I have to do it. There's no one else here to help me. Right. Right. And I guess that would be number one. Um, when I'm totally relaxed with an old friend like you, I don't feel like I have to be on guard. Right. Right. But also, I think we've talked about as we've gotten older, I realized one of the most important things to me is to be a good person, which of course I'm going to make mistakes and I'm not always going to be a good person or my behavior won'talways be, you know, exactly the way I want it. However, that's one of my main goals in life is to be kind to others, be loving to others, um, and give up a lot of the old habits that didn't serve me well. Right. Right. I'll give you an example of what I'm thinking to answer my own question. I uh you know recently started seeing this young lady and we've been out alone together which then you're really kind of just getting to know each other and you know ask questions about yourhistory and this and that. It's it's just an it's a great process um that I'm really enjoying. Then we went out as a couple with other couples and I at a given moment kind of made a little bit of a joke using her and something I knew about her in kind of an off-handed funny way. That was my intention to, you know, kind of lighthearted but a little bit, you know, at her expense. And as soon as I said it, I thought, "No, that wasn't good." And later, and you know, nothing came of it. I mean, wefinished our we had our evening and so forth, but later I came back to her. I said, "Look, I'm I'm really sorry I did that." And she said, "That's okay. You know, that's all right. I know." And I said, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything." And she said, "I know. I understand that and everything, but I'm telling you, Alice, I guess what I'm saying is I I'm not a I'm not a mean person. I don't think I am. But yet still, I did make ajoke at her expense. And this is what I'm trying to learn about self control maybe andor like you said, reading the room. Don't try to be a funny guy at somebody else's expense. Ever. Ever. And yeah, you might think it's lightheart. I didn't mean it. I was just joking. But it's it's making me realize and I hoping I'm hoping as I say this out loud that this is a sign of maybe get developing a little more maturity that if you're going to be funny, be funny. You know, be self-deprecatingand if anything and and even that you can wear out. But I guess I'm just saying that uh I don't know if my other partner would have, you know, hit me on the knee to stop me from saying that or it would have been too late or she would have blessed me out later. But I think in the topic of what we're talking about self-discovery, part of my self-discovery is don't be a smartass. Well, and and um I see now what you were talking about. Um I have on occasion, you know, said something and it feels like almostimmediately I'll do what you did and say, "Oh my goodness, I didn't you know." So yes, I've done that and tried to correct it immediately. Now I'm extensive as things are direct directed at me. So I think that keeps me from doing a lot of that. But Peter, we're all human. Human beings make mistakes, right? You know, right? I can even hear her voice saying to me, mimicking me when I would say, I didn't mean it that way. Boy, she would say, I didn't mean it that way. I didn't meanit that way. It was like, if you didn't mean it that way, then don't say it to begin with. So I am I'm trying to learn those things trying to like as we're talking about self you know self-monitor or manage before I make the smart remark and you know like I said I'm trying to learn that you don't certainly don't have to be the center of attention or at least if anything don't try to be the center of attention. That's probably the worst thing you can do you know.True. Let it happen naturally. Exactly. Exactly. Take turns. Yeah. And listen. Even between you and I, it's a learning process to listen for me to listen. Well, me too. And to not interrupt. It's uh you know, like you said, we're all a work in progress. Um you and I started this because we found ourselves having these we'll call it deeper conversations and I I do agree. Um we're not just talking about well we can talk about anything but nonetheless we delve into like like we're doing now how you know reflectivethings on our own behavior and you know dealing with other people and dealing with the loss. Um, I think it's valuable and I told this to my friends this morning, you know, we were kind of updating each other. I said, I'm doing this podcast with my friend Alice. We're very close. We've gotten closer over the 50 years of it's amazing. But, um, I told I said to you and I'll say it out loud. I don't care if we're the only people that ever hear it. It's still worth our time because it's, you know,we're learning from each other. Well, that's it. And I also think there pe, you know, some folks, they're not drawn to learning. They're not drawn to growing. They're, you know, they're just they're just, you know, they're they're fine the way they are. I think it's a I kind of think it's a personality thing. Um, I was watching and I can't remember now which series I was Oh, it was um Stick on Apple TV and I can't remember verbatim, but one of the characters said to theother one was, "When was the first time you did something that made you uncomfortable that you were scared to do that you you know?" And I enjoy doing that because I feel like I grow, right? But I'm so aware that not everybody needs to be that way or do that, right? It's, you know, it's not for everybody. Now, one thing I've noticed lately about myself that I'm thinking I need to ease up on is watching a new series, seeing a movie, and just thinking, "Oh, I've gotto tell this person or that person, this is such a good movie." in, you know, right? And I think that's fine. I don't check in with them to see if they've watched it or anything. Right. Right. But I do, you know, love to tell people about new movies. So, I guess that's okay. But I don't say, "Oh, have you watched it yet? If they never watch, if they never watch it, it's fine." Right. It's not an assignment, right? Yeah. But when I see something that I think is very well done,I want to share it with people who I think might really like it. Well, exactly. Exactly. And it comes across that way. And and you're right. It's kind of like whoever said it, Seinfeld or whatever, that you know, I hate links. He said, "I hate people saying, "Oh, yeah, and click on the link." You know, I just sent you a link to this. He says, "I hate that." You know, because Yeah. because it's like an assignment, you know, hey, did you click on the link? You know, what' you think?Oh, that's true. So, so you know, like you just said, if it's freewheeling and you're telling somebody you like something, great. And you know, if you get feedback, that's great, too. But like you said, you're not doing it for that purpose of trying to hook somebody in. Um, right. And if they never let me know, that's fine. Right. I don't. Why do I need to know? Right. Right. Cuz I'm just telling them because I think they might like it. Right. Oh, it's just so funny. And I thinkagain, you know, it's I guess so much of this is your personality. Correct. Yeah. And you were just saying just a few seconds ago, you're talking about people that may not be looking for this or that or reflective. And and uh I remember a quote uh his son said about uh Ronald Reagan. Um he said he's not um introspective, you know, he's not analyzing himself. He's he's just being who he is, but he's not overthinking it or, you know, introspective thinking back on it oranything. He's just kind of, you know, now I'm saying this, now I'm saying that. He said it in a very complimentary way, but also in a in a kind of observational way. because uh you know that was his personality and you know everybody loved Ronald Reagan. You know he I I loved him. I well here we not talking politics but I mean I voted for him. He was he was a likable guy and you know he had a way of kind of looking at things in kind of a light-hearted way. And so I I was fine. I'm not I'm not glued to one partyor another necessarily. um looking for who the best person might be for any g for any given job. I don't care if it's a babysitter, a dog sitter, or a politician. You know, if they're good at it, then they're good at it. And that's another thing, and I don't we need to cut it off and everything. You cut me off anytime, but one more thing because since I mentioned politics, friendship and family are more important than politics and ideology. I'm going to say it out loud because we have become verypolarized. But I'm telling you, part of my discovery is I don't like you just talked about sending somebody a link or telling them about a TV show. I don't need to win you over. I really don't even need to tell you what I think necessarily, but I certainly don't need to win you over. And you know, if I think a certain way about something and it happens to come out in conversation, so be it. But you I really have learned to let go of thinking that I need their validation on my opinion. I don't and I don't and Idon't want to appear to be looking at um so does that make any sense? I don't know. cuz cuz you know Yes. without you know but you've said you're in different social groups as I am. I am and and you know what I just I've I've made the choice to do what you're saying because the people that I may have questioned things about are lovely people. They've treated me very well. They treat other people very well. And I don't want it to be us against them. There you have it.And that did help it happen in one of my social groups. There was a little bit of a uproar and then everybody said, "Look, we're all friends. We all love each other. Let's not talk about this ever again." So they stopped it. Yeah. And and I have a friend just like that. I amazingly enough, we've been friend friends for that almost that many years. I mean decades. There are certain topics that we've decided that we don't need to delve into. And even when those boundaries might get crossed a littlehere and there, I think the bottom line is he's still my best friend for what we do together and how we share the things in our life. He's my best friend or best is a bad word, but you know, my one of my great friends that I know and trust as an individual, as a human being. And so if anybody's tuning in, I think that's the whole point, Alice. I think friendship, friendship, personal trust is more important than what I'll label as ideology. It's not, you know, it's not red, white,or blue. It's just you, whoever you are as a good person. And these people that I'm talking about, this person I'm talking is a very good person, an exceptionally good person. So anyway, that's that's that's our two cents or that's my two cents. Yes, me too. And it's always going to swing back and forth anyway. The, you know, these things that occur nationally, right, are going to swing back and forth. And it is a different time. You and I both know that. Um I can't think historically if youknow some times where it was there were similarities but I want to still feel hope and um you know faith that things will get better and it's made me much calmer, happier, less stressed, accepting this about my friends and I have some family members that, you know, fall into that category. Um, love over fear. Exactly. Exactly. That's it. Love and friendship over fear and suspicion or or Yeah. And I think and I ironically um I believe that if you're true to yourself uh and true as a as a friend, as arelative, as a parent or whatever, um you don't really have to worry about are you compromising or being compromised. I think that's another issue. Just be just let it be. And uh God this I said this earlier today, let it be. And somebody said, "Yeah, the Beatles." And I said, "Yeah, some people can take a phrase and turn it into a number one hit song. Other people, yeah, like myself, just quote them or whatever." But uh but anyway, I love talking to Alice. This is great. Um I think we've covered a lot oftopics and as usual I feel more energized you know where whatever this is towards the end I'll call it you know even than in the beginning I just want to keep going and going but I think we probably need to cut it off and pick it up again. Yeah because more isn't always better. There you have it. You have the gems Alice. you have come up with the quotable quotes. Oh, and last night, Peter, I had the best quote from Margie. Um, but let's let's end this and I'll tell you that.Okay. All right. Hey people, tune in later to hear what Margie had to say. All right. That's right. I'm gonna hit the Okay. I'm gonna hit the stop record and we'll see y'all next time. Trying to Fine. Make sure