What do I worry about?

Last night when we were talking, it appears that all three of us worry about stuff and all three of us whether it keeps us up or not we tend to worry whether it’s in the middle of the night, which Linda has expressed or first thing in the morning, which Jennifer has expressed so in a way there should be comfort in knowing that other people struggle with these emotional issues of worry and you know I’ve turned into this Buddhist wisdom to help me deal with it and I found it very effective you know in Buddhism they call the second arrow you know something happens to you and you know what causes pain or concern but it’s your mind that thinks about it and repeats the problem or you know perseverance on it won’t let go of it. That’s the second arrow that makes it worse and that was a big bit of a wisdom so when I find myself thinking or worrying, I try to let go of it but not force it Buddhist you know big on that don’t force it or pretend you’re not worried or thinking about it but at the same time just observe it like clouds passing in the sky your thoughts are your thoughts? They’re not necessarily your reality OK so let’s answer that question what am I worried about? 

I worry about going broke I think that’s probably my biggest worry since test passed away the first week or so I’m really gripped me. Oh my God how am I gonna survive financially cause our income was now cutting in half so I worried about it and worried about it and then I looked at how much I have in savings, which was a lot of money and Lauren had pulled me aside during the Services during that week and she said that he needs to sell your stock because other people have gone broke, but she’s familiar with and my answer that I didn’t really answer. I just took an under advise.  and Lauren had pulled me aside during the Services during that week and she said that he needs to sell your stock because other people have gone broke, but she’s familiar with and my answer that I didn’t really answer. I just took an under advisement, but in my mind I was thinking and maybe I said nobody really went broke during the 2009 crash unless they bought in 2008 and then sold in 2009 but essentially if you just hold on the economy, the stock market comes back well but ever since then I’ve been worried when the market goes down with Lauren Wright with Lauren Wright you know and you know I would be embarrassed as much as anything if you know I lost my savings, but the reality of that would also be very, very harsh so I was really minding my pennies and I am living a very frugal lifestyle until right this week with Linda where I’m saying you know spend a little money by their dinners you know buy their food and you know we went to the Hot Springs it’s well worth a few hundred dollars to have a great time and me pay for it. OK but do I still worry about it yes because of Trump and now this war or Iraq could our economy goes you know belly up and what would happen to me so what I have done is you know put around 4 to 500,000 in cash and that’s a lot of money a lot more money than I’ve ever had and you know it earns interest so I have my Social Security and my retirement and my cash savings and all of this adds up to. I’m pretty well off at least in my lifestyle so that fear of going broke is really not grounded I just and I have tried to let go of it, and I have let go of it to some extent, but I still worry about it from time to time. What else do I worry about? I worry about losing Jennifer. I worry about you know what if our relationship does go south what if you know we say or do something weird either we do get into some sort of deep you know divide or things just kind of Peter out you know that we just kind of lose our enthusiasm more our momentum. You know what if that so then I’ll say well that’s what I learned you know with Tess I can survive it. I will survive it and I know I will survive it but still I kind of worry about it. What else do I worry about? Well, I worry about losing Linda right now. She’s here with me. I’m gonna go back downstairs and you know if she’s up we’ll start talking. I’m gonna try to maybe say to her you know I don’t want conflict between us. I don’t want me to be a Butthead you know and so I kinda already said that to her a little bit if I was wrong about Dara’s relationship and how Linda And know was involved with it then let Linda be the judge, but not me and so and the other thing that I worry about her that I’m afraid of is to talk to Lauren about anything political because I’m afraid of how she might feel about vaccinations or about Trump you know so instead of asking her I avoided so right now I just have to stop talking and.