Relationships

 

So I talked to my sister today and we talked about you know my newest obsessions with YouTube we talked about a little about you know what's going on in terms of this adaptation to being single and some of the things that I've realized that I used to do every day when we were married that I'm not doing anymore and one of them was stopping at Chick-fil-A you know that was Tessa's greatest or most favorite food was Chick-fil-A sandwiches and not the not the club sandwich Peter don't think Club it was thedeluxe she loved the deluxe but of course as soon as she said Club I couldn't get that out of mind out of my mind so I'm I told her a couple stories where I actually went through got the club and ended up realizing oh my gosh and instead of going home with it I just turned around and got back in line and got the deluxe these are things you do when you love somebody this is what you do you figure out ways to love them back to make them happy to take care of them and it's those moments you know it'sthose ways that are what your whole relationship is based on it's based on just loving each other and doing for each other and taking care of each other in your own ways and it's just so wonderful when you find someone that you want to do that for and with and you know that's what we were talking about and yes there are issues there are problems we fuss and fight about everything and you know it is all kind of silly and stupid but it is another aspect of who you are who you're with and a young lady I met recently said ifyou're not arguing you're not talking and there's a lot of Truth to that if you're not AR arguing you're not talking it's not the question of the arguing it's the question of how you argue and how you resolve things and that you don't get mean and you don't get resentful and ironically in a way you don't get personal and you know there's a tendency to maybe fall you always say oh that's you always do this there's things you say and do that you maybe shouldn't but I mean that's part of it too and again kind of by analogy thinkabout two boxers in a ring you know they're in there boxing and one of them gets hit a little harder and they bounce up against the the ropes but they don't go through the ropes they don't fall onto the floor they just bounce back into the middle of the ring and they just keep the fight going that's what it's all about you know that's kind of what love is and so one of the things Linda recommended or told me about was that I could watch a complete unknown on this thing we call the super box that she gave me and sothat's what I'm watching right now and it's the story of Bob Dylan and I mean here's a creative genius here's a guy who could take any everyday situation and turn it into just an incredible uh line of verses uh that put together you know turned into meaningful a meaningful song and meaningful songs and with his level of talent and ability and poetic abilities he could probably just do that I mean you know he could he worked at it it isn't if you're talented you don't need to work but you have something towork with and something to work for and you know that's that's what this story is about it's the story of Bob Dylan and how he you know created his craft his poetry and put it to music and it's a beautiful story and it's very well well done it's extremely well done and I think to me that's what we were talking about too it isn't whether there's profanity or sex or anything in the story that is the issue as much as whether or not that story is good and well done and worth telling and that's what we're talking about and so you knowI'm doing my finger painting and I'm talking and what's the point of this story well quite honestly it goes back to the 14e anniversary and I was talking about how we would you know meet in uh Edisto Island for a week and these would turn into family reunions a family reunion between myself and my sister and her child and our child and you know so Lauren and Dara who were you know in their pre-teens got to know each other pre-teens they were in their 10 whatever you call those those younger years whenthey kids they children and they got to know each other and that was a beautiful thing and I hopefully it was beautiful them and memorable for them it's also beautiful for Linda and I and like I said it was it was out of the kind of the clouds of uncertainty and negative things happening in her life essentially the separation that it was through that that we had what ends up being a very beautiful experience and beautiful memories now one one of those stories and I'm going to tell it here was thatyou know we were down there getting away from it all I mean Linda was leaving New Jersey and leaving Fred and leaving that life that she was living for one week of respit one one week of you know family reunion with her brother Peter and with his wife Tess and so there we were enjoying that peace and quiet and you know going to the beach doing the things we did was just a great thing and yet and still one morning I look out or go out on the front porch and someone across the way says hey Pete hey goodmorning hey Pete I said what I look up oh my God what is it was Fred it was Fred leaning over the banister of his deck in a house that was right next door now the resourcefulness of that right away was just unbelievable but I was like oh my God what is going on here here is Fred right across you know within 50 ft of our rented home that we worked and saved for and you know we got it through my my supervisor at work it was all a big connected thing that was planned for and you know looked forwardto and everything else and here was Fred out of nowhere suddenly saying hello from across the way well I didn't know what to do I just didn't know I went back inside I said with probably with a dumbfounded look on my face I said I said Linda Fred is right across the street he's right across in the in the next building the next home and and she was like what and so here we were kind of adjusting what the hell's going on and Linda did not want him here now Fred if you're listening to this or Darayou know that's the aspect of kind of anonymity but also maybe time that heals all wounds um you know this was an invasion it was an invasion of our privacy our space our peace of mind it changed things right there and me quite honestly what am I going to do about it oh I'm the brother yeah well what I'm I basically I mean Fred is a much bigger stronger guy and I'm way out of my league I mean I don't know what to say or do so I can maybe go over and talk and negotiate with him and that's reallywhat I ended up doing I went over there and I said look I said Fred you know probably said God bless you I love you but you know we're on vacation here you can't just show up out of out of nowhere and just you know take over or be part of the situation that we just didn't plan for this and it makes everybody uncomfortable and so you know we talked a little bit and he was just so affable so enjoyable and non-confrontational he didn't come back at me with you know I'll do what I damn well please or he didn't say or doanything that was negative or or aggressive and so as we spent time talking I found myself just liking him more and more the more we talked the longer we talked the more I enjoyed it to a point I ended up saying hey Fred you know if it was up to me hell yeah let's let's go out and have a good time you know let's have fun let's enjoy it so we actually did end up going out he had rented a car as my recollection it was a 57 Chevy I don't even know if that's possible but whatever it was it was a convertible it was a cool car wewent out and we rode around and we continued our conversation and we just had a great time and we didn't go out partying or doing anything crazy but we just talked and in the course of that conversation we connected and it was great it was very interesting how it worked and like I said I I went over there to try to talk Fred into the leaving I kind of came back trying to talk Linda into letting them stay I mean it was weird now you know these are just the memories you have and the irony of it all was that like Isaid we was not confrontational it was it was it was a kind of a pleasant experience and obviously provides for a funny story decades later but more than that and maybe what's most important is that Linda and Fred did resolve their issues and they did reconnect and they did get back together and that is kind of an amazing thing and I'm so happy that that's how it worked out I really truly am because I think and I think Lyndon knew this that deep in his heart Fred is a good person deep in his hearthe's a good man and he was going through adjustments he has his issues and you know we all do but Linda to her credit said no you're going to do you're not going to behave this way you're going to be responsible and until or unless you can be responsible we are not going to stay together so I think that was her heart right from the beginning too I don't think either one of them wanted to actually separate or go separate ways and another thing that I'll say is that Fred loved his daughter darra that partwas never ever in doubt and never ever in question and you know it brings that point of you know why do two people love each other and it brings that point back to High Fidelity is it that they love each other or is that they both love the same things and obviously it's a little bit of both and when you have a child that's the most important thing that you can love separately and independently and together and I think that's what did it I think when they say we stayed together for the sake of thekids that's a good reason that's a very good reason that's the reason that should basically Bond you and bind you to each other and to that baby who wants to wants you to love them they don't want they're not there to understand your issues or take sides or be forced to take sides they are the babies they were brought into this world by you by both of you and so I was just extremely fortunate that Tess and I never hit the skids on that level and we had plenty of ups and downs but we we hung it out wewe stuck it out that term was used recently but with Lindon Fred that was just a funny story a funny memory and it's one that you know of all the things that happened that's one of the things you remember so God bless t uh Fred I love him and you know we have grown closer over the years and thank God for that and Linda too I mean these are the people these these people are the ones that hold me together without certain people in my life I would not well I don't even want to Fathom I think I've gone through thisloss and I'm adjusting but part of that adjustment is really finding out how much how important other people are in your life and those people that person one is Linda my sister and those people are to Fred and then darra and this whole family that is still part of me and I'm part of them and and thank God for that and I am done for today