Bob’s Birthday

This one's going to be… oh my God, yes I do I start every podcast with a chuckle I don't know what it is but you know I guess that's okay this is sad this is sad but I'm going to be talk I'm going to talk about this picture and the next one about my the love of my life the sweetest girl in my life my bab baby girl test you know this as it turns out was a year ago I I wasn't even thinking about it but again it popped up in my my one drive memories and you know here I am um Tess and I were invited toBob and Diane's house for his birthday his annual birthday celebration which is always nice always a lot of people and it's always just a great thing it's a great experience I'm I'm trying to think though I'm pretty sure Tess did not come anyway it really kind of doesn't matter the main thing here is that Tess and I went to Bob's birthday party and and they knew Bob knew that she was you know had some difficulty in walking and so forth we had finally started using a cane and between the two of us we both were kindof unstable and so he gave us this little parking space so thoughtful and so nice and you know so we parked there and we felt honored and everything and then we walked up the driveway and into his home and happy birthday Bob and Bob and Diane are just the sweetest people and the greatest hosts and so there we were and um you know it seems like a small thing but it was a big thing because Tess stopped going out she just wouldn't go out places and she would have reasons and so forth and then we negotiated thesethings because I wanted to be able to stay friends with people I didn't want to say no all the time and so some we got to a point where I'd say okay sweetheart I'll go and I'll just say you know you weren't up for it or whatever and you know but I'll stay for a little while and just say hello and then I'll leave and that'll be okay and so you know we we accommodated each other that way and then of course when I got home I could spill the tea with Tess I could tell her who said what to who and how itwent whatever and it and it was great and you know kind of got used to doing things that way and and I did a lot of things that way and you know I would go up to the Arboretum and I'd go do my usual thing take Zeke for a walk or go hike with chip or go hike with B uh Bob with um well we did do some hiking but anyway with John and and Dave the point of it is Tessy you know got weaker through the years and got more and she would be very resentful of this statement but more antisocial and and I we tried to kind of tease her through it I'm not antisocial I am not anti I said okay honey you're antisocial-izing you don't like to socialize with people and you know she would say something like you know a little bit goes a long way and and you know I understand that much more now than ever but anyway the point and I'm not a social life that's the joke of it but we we have good friends here and I just wanted to make maintain our friendships and so did they so did they they really reached out the test and and that's a different story but this day we went to Bob’s and I'm going to flip to the next picture of Tess sitting with June and June you know apparently saw my camera pick up and gave me the big smile which was great but Tess was just smiling looking across talking to whomever she was talking to that's that was this is a beautiful picture of Tess and she wouldn't let me take her picture for for a couple years where she would always raise her hand up and block it and get angry and so you know at first you try to tease her out of it oh come on honey and youknow let just oh just take your picture you're make bringing more attention to yourself by doing it this way and so you know you try to you maybe you argue her down or whatever but you know after a while I just stopped because I realized if she doesn't want her picture taken then don't take her picture and you know I ran into a a person a woman at a at an event the other day where we were building bird houses and we worked together and we were talking and it was it was good we were getting along fineand then you know they were going to take class pictures and everything and uh so we all kind of went over to that area to take our picture well she didn't want to go she didn't want to get her picture taken and you know I had learned the lesson and I didn't encourage her I didn't say anything I didn't say yay or nay or anything I just let her make her own decision and I think that's an important lesson I'm trying to learn and you know I can tend to be obnoxious and then I'll kind of try to joke my waythrough it because I take a lot of pictures some people are okay with that some people aren't Lauren our daughter loves her picture taken and she's learned through the years since a baby she sees a camera she smiles at and she you know she's beautiful girl and takes beautiful pictures and Tess is a beautiful girl but she got where she didn't want pictures of her and so you know that was just one of our things that we eventually I learned to say or do the right thing and not push it but anyway here we are sitting in Bob'sliving room and you know she's got her little red cane and you know like I said I got a cane because of my back surgery and then uh she started getting more unstable and and having difficulties and I said honey just use the cane you know to help you know with you're feeling more stable more secure when you're walking and you know so she did a little bit here and there and like I told her you know it's not something you just grab a can and you can do it takes a little practice takes a little work seeI was always trying to be helpful I was always trying to you know be supportive from my own way of my own definition of that is and you know she would accept it sometimes and many times she wouldn't or you know she would set her own parameters and I think that's the thing about loving somebody you have to let them be themselves even if even if you think you might know better or mean better that was another thing where you would argue about she said I know you mean well I know you mean well and you know orsometimes she'd misinterpret something I said I can't I don't know if it'll come to my mind but you know I the joke between us was like I didn't mean it that way I didn't mean it that way and I'd say to her but that's true I didn't mean it that way cuz she'd put a negative spin on whatever it was and I'd say I didn't mean it that way and so that kind of became a joke between us but thank you God this was I mean it's just just hitting me because they date these pictures they don't pop up orbit trly they pop up on the day ayear ago or two years ago or three years ago and I had to double check this was last year this was March of last year this was just one month almost to the day she passed away on on April 18th you would never know that sitting there taking this picture you didn't know sometimes you say thank God you didn't know because Tess had cancer she had cancer all through her body people say what kind of cancer was it you know I don't mean to be mean but it's the kind of cancer that kills you we didn't know and and I well we didn'tknow I I now I suspect she did know something much much deeper was going on than what she you know L on to because she you know we started arguing about that that she was going to get her blood test and Peter they can't do anything without her blood test they need to do the blood test and so you know we I expedited that and she got angry about that but I mean that was only weeks later after this picture and we stayed and I'm trying to remember parts of that day I do you remember I got her sat I got hersituated got her in a seat over there and then and then I was basically going back and forth to the table to bring her a little snack you know could would you like a little of this would you like a little of that or wine she you know she would drink wine uh sometimes she would and sometimes she wouldn't uh but you know that was always kind of a safe bet they didn't have uh what do you call Tom Collins what was it Jin and tonic they didn't have like that so uh I think that's maybe her glass of white winethere she was just being polite but you know you offer people food because you want to be nice you want to that's what you do and she would always say I don't want I don't want anything I don't want anything to eat and that went on for years I guess I don't know because when we would go out with people they you know she wouldn't want she wouldn't order anything or she wouldn't want anything and they'd say well what's you know what's the ra what's the problem you know can we do this or can we makethat could we do something she didn't want anybody doing anything special she didn't want anybody doing anything special going out of their way she just wasn't hungry she just didn't want to eat and you know she didn't want to go out in the morning she didn't want to go hiking with the girls and do different things that they would invite her to do and it wasn't that she didn't care about them or like them she just now I know she just didn't she just didn't have the strength to do it you know i' i' gothrough the house other things we'd get in trouble for I'd come in from hiking or biking or whatever and i' you know i' just kind of swoop in and go fill the dog bowl you know with with water and she'd say Peter he just I he just got water I just gave him water and I said that's okay I'm just giving him you know some fresh water and she said Peter there's no need to do that I just gave him some water and so once you know once in a while I would usually I'd back off and say okay all right and then once ina while I remember specifically saying you know just push it through Tess I'm giving him water stop you know I'm just going to give him some water don't make a big deal about it so I'd give him the water and what I know now I don't didn't real realiz was she needed to feel her purpose her value her input it wasn't that I should or shouldn't give water it's that she said I to I took care of him I took care of my baby boy you don't need to double up you don't need to do that cuz now I'm realizingthat may took away from how she felt about her own purpose and value and I could be wrong I don't know feel feel pretty emotional right now but you know I'd go through the house and things like I said it tiptoe around I didn't want to disturb her so I didn't you know if I I just grab the vacuum and vacuum stuff up and then she didn't want me to do that don't do that or you know it's too loud or it's this or that I said so i' kind of find myself sneaking around to kind of vacuum or do stuff and and then Iremember I would see she'd have a let's say the broom or something and it would be leaning up against the wall in one of the rooms and I'd say gosh what do you you know why is this sitting here like this oh my God Peter now I realize now I realize she was trying to do stuff but she didn't have the strength to complete it so she'd just she'd leave it there as that was her effort she'll get back to it she'll get back to it later I didn't realize that I was like you know well I would just scoop it upand put it back or something I just didn't realize you know you just don't know everything when when things are happening and maybe it was denial I guess it who knows if it was because here we were I encouraged her I said honey let's go to let's go to Bob's birthday let's go to Bob's birthday and this time she didn't fight me on it this time she said okay and I was half amazed and so we went we little a parked in our little parking lot our little parking space and and everybody loved her and everybody loved seeing herand and you know coming around her and so there she sat in her little chair she never got up and walked around she just sat there and I brought her stuff and you know she didn't eat it and I'd bring it back and you know I'd say do you want some of this and you know I knew I'm not an idiot I knew that she didn't have a strong appetite and different things and and you know so we stayed though we stayed I don't know we stayed at least an hour and you know Jun is a very sweet person June and alen are our neighborsand she was very sweet and very supportive and of course Diane was and Bob and other people that were there and um I know uh Joanna was there Dave and Joanna and they were nice with Tess and I think I know this was after uh Carell had passed and so I don't remember John if he was there and you know if he was because cuz I don't know that she ever met Judy um so I just don't know I don't have any group pictures from this day but you know it was a special day you know I knew it was special then because well because we were going outtogether to a group Gathering that we were having we were avoiding that quite frequently and uh you know Bob God bless him I had surgery and um it was right up the road but you know was how do I get there you know how are we going to do this and I was willing I wanted to take an Uber and just go and get it done and I'll take Uber oh that wouldn't let you do that you got to go with somebody that you know knows you who can be responsible for you so you know John offered which we appreciate that Johnoffered and I said you know thank you thank you and I really kept that in mind and uh then I thought that I could get Uber and and just you know bring tests with us and we'd it would be Tess and I she'd be responsible you we would use Uber to drive home because I didn't know what kind of shape I was going to be in and I was concerned about test driving that was the main thing here I was concerned about test driving well ultimately we went and we just the two of us and Tess was so adamant she was soproud I could I knew I could I I Peter I was able I could drive up there I could take care of you I did it I was good and and you know and see now I know how much more this means cuz you know yeah I mean I knew she was getting um weak about driving you know it's a driving is is tough it's challenging but you know she did do it and she was very very proud of herself and very adamant about it and I said yes honey I know you got it you did it you did a good job and and so all that was good so like I said going to Bobs uh ohand then Bob they wanted to come by and bring me food and be nice and all that good stuff and I said Bob that's great but just don't come by you know I appreciate it but just please don't come over and I appreciate your thoughts and prayers but don't come over with food or anything because Tess did not want people to come over she loved her home this was a a puzzlement to me because she would say that over and I love my home I love my home and she decorated it the way she wanted it we got the furniture shewanted and I would say why don't how why don't we just have people over for a little while before we go out for dinner but she said no she didn't want to do that she didn't want to do that so we ultimately just didn't do it and that's okay I mean now I don't want anybody to come over I just don't feel like I'm a good host or something I don't know what I think but the point is we had our day and I think the point of me spouting off all this crap and I'm so emotional it's because Tess was and is the love of my life Idon't want anybody else I don't I don't how can I say it I'm not discriminating against you know PE love or anything of that nature if I met somebody and I fell in love that would be something that happens but I don't think about that I don't want that I'm I'm completely consumed with our life and how we lived it and I'm still learning from it I'm still learning from it and you know I'm not sitting around with my head up my ass and not doing anything or going anywhere or talking to people or can't function I'm doing allthat good stuff I'm I'm functioning is good or better than ever but I say that on one level but you know I still love Tess I love her I love that she loved me I love that we grew up together and we developed our life together and we learned from each other and we fought like little dogs you know like like kind of like Zeke you know and you don't mean anything by it he's not going to grab your leg or anything or with a bigger dog but you know we would argue about stuff and you know ironically the stuff we arguedabout was the caretaking aspects the going out with people aspects the you know they were always kind of about good things or whatever I don't know but anyway I thank God that I had her um in my life that we met when we met the right time of our in our lives and that we just fell madly love we fell crazy madly in love and in lust and we created Lauren and you know and now Lauren's all grown up and and having her own children her own boys to take care of she's the most de devoted mother you could have her see I really to me theenergy and the love that she puts into her children is just amazing and I'm like wow you couldn't ask for anymore and then she has a beautiful husband I mean they're beautiful people handsome people whatever and you know uh like I said looking at this movie Gabby and and thinking what can happen to your daughter when she meets somebody and even if she's in love with a guy the guy could turn out to be you know uh a murderer I mean how bad can life get but I am so damn lucky that they love each other they care for each other they fussI'm sure but anyway Tess and I created this we did our best we always did our best and God bless her I love her and I'm now I'm looking back down at this picture because thank you God for being there La Tess now I'm thinking again I think that she I think she may have left her glasses there because I'm looking at her is that her sunglasses on her head forehead yeah and that's how she would wear them but whether she put them down or something but somehow I kind of have a memory of a story there where maybeshe left her glasses and I came back to get him but uh or maybe we found him later I don't know but anyway you know other than just being there and being so happy to be there uh and now looking at this picture and bringing back those memories thank you thank you thank you thank you that's all there really is to say say thank you all right let's let's let's stop it for now