This has been an interesting day to say at least with ups and downs within minutes of each other… My sister Linda sent me a coffee maker by surprise and it was thrilling. It was sitting in my hallway and its box because I thought that it was something I had ordered for Jennifer and I plan to give it to her later that day anyway Linda called. I opened the box. There was the coffee maker and it was just hallelujah. This is fantastic. OK so later I made my Hospice visit that I went to Jennifer‘s with the products that I had ordered for her on Amazon and all that was great and of course Jennifer offered to pay for it which I kinda tell her no thank you you don’t need to do that but she does anyway and I appreciate it so later that day I Text her and say I’m running late we had planned that I would come get her at 5 PM but about 4:57. I was just kind of waking up and I wanted to get myself together and have another cup of coffee so I said give me about 15 minutes she said and I am quoting now. Oh, OK I’ll wait outside now at the time when I got the actual text I thought she meant she’d be waiting outside my house like she was gonna head over here, but one thing led to another, and it took me more than 15 minutes to get out and so I did and I drove down to her place. She was standing in the driveway, leaning against your car and I said how long have you been here and she said since about quarter after five so she waited an additional 15 minutes well I said why didn’t you come down to the house and she said because one time when I did that you said you didn’t want me to do that. Well I didn’t dispute that whether I don’t know exactly what she’s talking about there was that one time when she showed up where I was blurry eye and I asked her to please not come in because I looked and felt so bad and we’ve laughed about that since then anyway I felt awkward. I felt like I had maybe made a mistake. I wasn’t sure and so often we went to each gym so we worked out in the gym and everything was pretty good although we think we felt a little stressed between us, but I was trying to warm up to her and then we went out for dinner I said where do you wanna go and she said hot dog world which I thought was strange and I said well how about Hannah‘s which also starts with H and you know we can have a better conversation there we’re gonna have a sitdown dinner and I know they’re going home to her place can be stressful now because Frodo is so hyper but anyway so we went to Hannah’s. We had a fantastic dinner. Oh well the next incident happens on our way to Hannahs. I pull up to a stoplight and I pulled across the pedestrian walkway. There was nobody on the sidewalk waiting to cross and so I’ve always been a little confused about it, but I thought it was OK to pull up to the corner, where The Light actually normally stops traffic well when I did this, this guy makes a really sharp left turn, and he only saw me as he was making the turn and that pissed him off so he kinda calls out to me stops his car calls that he says hey dude you’re supposed to stop behind the walkway and I said well OK dude thanks for the advise. Well, that was the end of the incident. I thought I handled it pretty well I didn’t back down but I didn’t provoke anything and so we went but of course it does bother me and that’s why I’m doing this Blog post so we get to Hannahs. We get a seat. We have a great meal. She gets chicken fingers which are chicken tenders, which are really really good and I got the fried fish which is really really good so we had a pleasant evening, but you know we are both kind of. I don’t know it was just awkward at times and I feel like wow it was the greatest of times because of Linda sending me a great gift and then the worst times because Suddenly Jennifer And and I are kinda almost having an argument, even though it didn’t evolve into an argument, but our relationship is so has been so ideal in so many ways and just full of loving this and so forth so you know kind of wanna keep it that way well anyway there’s yet one more little incident we’re supposed to have coffee with Mary Mary, the wife of Ed, my Hospice client where we’ve become friends Great and so she wanted to have coffee with both of us and so we were working out the date and time and so forth well I was only texting Mary directly and then telling Jennifer what she was saying instead of having a group text and then when I got home, I was copying and pasting what Mary said to Jennifer And. I know preface it by saying Mary said: and then I pasted it in what she said oh that’s fine. Well, then I want to say night night to Jennifer and I Wright or Text night night, my butterfly or night night butterfly, and I put a symbol of a butterfly. OK great well when I step back, I realize oh my God I sent this to Mary I didn’t mean to send it to Mary. I’ve meant to send it to Jennifer so I push at I thought I deleted the message. I thought OK problem solved and I then texted Jennifer night night butterfly meanwhile she was sending me sweet nothings and that’s what we do every night we end up you know doing kind of love talk back-and-forth and it’s part of our relationship. That is really cute and really nice. OK well few minutes later I get a text from Mary saying thank you. That’s very sweet and apparently she got well. I know now she got the text night night butterfly. I didn’t delete it as I thought I had and now I just don’t know what to do so I didn’t respond to her and say sorry I didn’t mean that to you I didn’t I don’t you know but I’m in my mind. I’m planning to tell Jennifer what happened I mean it’s the soap simple thing. It’s the kind of thing we kind of joke about sending the wrong message to the wrong person or whatever and then how do you retrieve it well, I thought now this is good. You can delete it as long as they haven’t read it and I don’t know if that’s what happened or not if she read it that’s quickly or not but I swear I thought I had deleted it and I thought problem solved. Well you know obviously I didn’t mean to be sending that kind of note to Mary thank God it wasn’t more detailed or more whatever with hugs and kisses or anything then I’d have to explain it but as it is, I’m just gonna let it go and hopefully it won’t come up and you know it’s all very innocent and everything but God so is pulling up to the corner of the stop where the stoplight is you know I don’t intend to create problems with anybody I didn’t intend to create a problem by asking for 15 more minutes before I picked up Jennifer I really thought she meant. She was gonna wait outside at my house and walked down to my house, but she said oh no last time you told me not to do that. Well I don’t remember saying that at all but then again there have been sometimes confusing statements back-and-forth and I figure it’s better just to let her think whatever it is and rather than overstating things are over, you know explaining things just let it be what it is. It’s not that bad a deal. It’s not a bad thing but here we are tonight just like all the teachings I you know reviewing Buddhism you know it’s the second arrow that’s gonna hurt me. It’s my suffering the incident which is kind of no big deal but I’ll just perseverating think about it over and over again. What did I do wrong what did I say wrong how can I fix it. What will I do next time? I actually thought if we got out of each gym and I was thinking about it maybe I should say OK from now on if I say you know, give me another 15 minutes or I’m running late. If you wanna come to my house by me it’s coming to my house. I’m not the one that made the rule for her not to show up, that was her other former boyfriend that we joke about that Richard apparently this guy Richard that she dated told her never to come to the house unannounced uninvited. I never said that to her I just that one time I was you know I just been woken up. I’m very groggy very blurry eyed and I felt like you know I just looked a mess. I didn’t wanna let her in. It was nothing about her. It was all about me not wanting to you know kind of looks so bad or so like I said sleepy face anyway I hope I just blurting out all that stuff that you know we’ll get through the night. OK I care about everybody that I’m friends with. I only have romantic feelings towards Jennifer. They are very strong romantic feelings but then then again we’ve talked about this a little bit in the beginning, but I believe we still understand it. I don’t plan to want to get married. I do love her and care about her in a romantic way, but I never intend to consummate the relationship sexually I feel like you know, kissing and hugging in a passionate way is a beautiful thing that we have and I really kind of don’t want to ruin it. I kind of have her on a pedestal in that respect and nothing wrong with sex the real thing but at this age and at this time of our life is just not I don’t think necessary for full relationship so there’s two sense about that anyway I’ve been blogging and using this is an outlet for my feelings. It’s my own self Therapy you know I don’t go to a counselor I did go to counselor with Hospice it was great and you know after a year she said or however, long what she said I think you’re ready to move on and she’s right. I’ve moved on extremely well but part of how I do. It is by talking out my feelings so thank you Linda for being my sister, thank you Jennifer for being my girlfriend and thank you Mary for being my Hospice friend and I hope it all settles out for everybody in a good way.