Suddenly Single - Role Reversals

You know it's funny because I said to myself you know I'm kind of on a roll I did this first one this morning and now I'm on a roll So speaking of which one of the topics is role reversals you know and how do you deal with adult children and so here's a topic well first off I've been so busy this week month who know but these last few days I decided that I would buy a um a backup battery for the for the house and so this is something that Tess and I talked about quite a bit and you know we woulddebate the subject and you know do we really need one and so forth and so I just finished a video where I installed this thing and I covered that that whole issue of do we really need this can we afford this or is it worth the money you know so you do debate these things with any major purchase and uh I did plenty of that so you know I ended up spending $5,000 on a you know a backup battery which I believe I can you know map into the house and when the lights go off they'll come back on you know ultimatelynow that might cost me another 3 to 5,000 I don't know but you know yeah it goes to my mind oh my God you're spending $5,000 on a backup battery so you know I thought well I'll tell my kids you know because I was real happy about it I was real proud of it but when I told uh Sam and Lauren Lauren came back oh well how often does your electricity go out I I thought that was the only time it went out was Hurricane Helen and you know I know what she's really thinking is Daddy how can you spend this kind of money onsomething I mean uh you know you shouldn't be spending your money on things and I don't know and I'm I'm I'm imitating I'm pretending I don't know how she really feels but I didn't I didn't you know pursue it with her but the thing here is and it was just in a text but the thing here is you know do your kids have the right to question what you spend your money on and I mean yeah the big answer maybe is yes if you're wasting your money or spending it foolishly or you know especially if you're getting ripped off or whatever Imean your kids are you know your biggest part of your life so you do respect them but when do they encroach on your Independence and your you know you're the adult and you know you've made all the decisions to get us here and obviously a lot of them were good not all of them were good but the point is now that I'm in my 70s and she's in her 40s and she's a professional and she's knowledgeable does she know better than me for making you know certain big decisions and um no not really um and it's really not the debateisn't whether or not she would make better decisions or Worse decisions I think the question is you feel this sense of you know this kind of encroaching role reversal of well yeah you might be the father but you know I'm the upand cominging uh you know I'm I'm the new generation you're the old generation you know your day is done and my day is still coming up and so you know my point of all this is that instead of kind of feeling excited about it and sharing that excitement it made me start double questioning what I hadalready questioned you know was it worth it is it something that I could afford or something that's a good investment you know or is it wasteful spending and this kind of thing which I feel like I had already covered that but now with my daughter questioning it you know it kind of put me on it made me feel different made me feel funny about it okay so I think I've already kind of told her that you know uh I can take care of myself I can manage myself you you know and I don't know that that was a debate I thinkbefore test passed away um we had some conversation about this and you know Lauren's pretty straightforward she didn't want to you know she couldn't afford to take off from work to take care of us or spend a lot of time doing those kind of things and you know you don't want to do you don't want to be a burden to your kids that's the truth you don't want to be a burden to them but you know you'd also don't want them to be over anticipating that or judging you before or unless or until you becomedependent on them so you know with Mom and I poor baby I mean you know she passed away and she was carrying this cancer for probably months if not years that it was impacting her health and her ability to do things but we just thought that was her getting older and she claimed that's all it was we didn't pursue treatment and you know I think we made the right decision uh in the sense that uh we lived as normally as you can as you're getting older without the whole Focus being on this this diseasethat kind of takes over your identity so with me I guess that is my biggest biggest fear I don't really have a fear I don't have a fear of getting older I do have a fear of becoming disabled and when I say that I mean unable to take care of myself I'm not I'm not criticizing people that are disabled but you know if I suddenly couldn't drive couldn't take care of myself became uh you know uh again going back to disabled I guess this would not be a good thing and this I think why I want to cling toevery dime I mean you know I don't you know money is necessary to live I've got plenty of money to live I don't have plenty of money if I suddenly had to hire 24-hour nursing and you know couldn't feed myself and you know is there any likelihood of that happening I don't know nobody really knows but apparently I live in fear of that somehow I got to have this money just in case I become disabled and God forbid my daughter have to take off from work or have to do anything to take care of me and I agree with that I I would feelso out of my element I mean I just couldn't I couldn't stand having her having to take care of me so I want to say to her honey don't worry about that you don't have to worry about taking care of me Daddy will take care of himself until he can't and when he can't he'll not be here now that's just kind of a smug statement but there's a lot of Truth in my intention of saying that I am not going to allow myself to become uh dependent on my daughter now I I live a very frugal lifestyle I'm sitting here finger painting talking tomyself you know talking out these thoughts with the theory that there are people out here maybe dealing with some of these issues and maybe we can learn from each other but you know yeah you raise your child to be self confident you raise your child to become an adult even though you love him as babies and you know you kind of you just want him to be that way you're always you know you're always they're always going to be your little baby even though they're an adult who you know other people callthem whatever they Mrs Fuller whatever and Dr Fuller she's not quite a doctor but she's pretty damn close but you know the point is that she's still my daughter and and so I am still her father and I think that's the pressure or the sense of identity that I want to continue to feel that I am the father uh you may be independent of me but I am also independent of you in the sense that I am fully capable of taking my taking care of myself and making you know good adequate decisions so I bought this damn battery that'sthis is about I bought this battery um yes for the 5,000 bucks hell I could go stay in a great hotel for a few days if I needed to It's not that it's a matter of well how do you stay home and make your home comfortable and livable and the answer is electricity that's what it is that's what we need so this is a backup battery so that I don't have to go downtown and plug in even as much fun as I had during the hurricane I thought about it like it's raining outside now and the the lights flickered what if the power goesout obviously I have my head lamps I have my stuff but if the power goes out I'm not going to get all excited about going downtown to plug in in the rain and crummy weather and so you know that dawned on me too that the hurricane situation was you know very intense but then it was over and the beautiful weather in the following days kind of you know uh camouflaged the reality of how devastating the storm had been so roll reversal you know I think it's almost like I said about the power of no it'ssomething you got to deal with in kind of a subtle gentle way and you know you basically I think you prove it by being it by doing it you don't say hey I'm independent you know leave me alone but you have to behave in a way that that shows that you're responsible and I don't want to I don't want to become a number uh big or small how can I put that I am you know a guy who worked all my life with my wife we accumulated some things and that's a good thing we have enough as my mom had said to me decadesago when I was was looking to maybe do I have to take care of my parents and so you know that's the answer I don't want to become a number where they're waiting for me to die to pick up on the number or would they're waiting for me to live and be afraid that they're going to have to make all these sacrifices to take care of me you know it's just a matter of in effect I have enough and I can take care of myself we're going to be good um I don't want to argue about things don't not respect your opinion ironically Iwould have loved to talk about this maybe with Sam and probably will he was very excited about it when I told him uh because it's a fun thing it's a techno thing I'm a techno guy and now you know like I said I'm waiting for the I'm waiting for the next power outage so I can really use this thing but the RO reveral thing is very real as we get older our capabilities become diminished and we may you know find ourselves either temporarily or permanently disabled and it's a kind of a scary thought and you know how do we preventagainst it well I don't know we prevent against it but how do we provide for it well you do and oh I know she had asked me decades or years ago do you have nursing home insurance their financial advisor you know you need nursing home insurance well you know who knows if he might been selling it I'm not saying that it's a bad thing I'm saying no that we don't now we're too old to buy it and the point is I just couldn't live in a nursing home I mean I say that and I mean it I can live here by myself Idon't even know I mean I've even thought about a roommate but you know the point is I can live here by myself and take care of myself and that's my intention if I were to be in a nursing home I would have to be mentally disable because my my own mindset I just couldn't I just can't relate to it cannot relate to it so to my sweet darling daughter um no I don't have um nursing home insurance like I told her I have resources and uh does you know Does Elon Musk have health insurance I doubt without it why would he bother I'm I'mnot Elon Musk but you know and I have health insurance and I have Medicare and I have social security and I need all those things but you know I'm not going to go to a nursing home and so I just want to be as independent as I can be for as long as I can be and then when the lights go out out they go out and I think they're going to go out right about now thanks for listening