Jennifer lives in the house down the street we have what I consider a perfect living arrangement where I live in my house and she lives in hers and we get together for a few hours a day and these are good hours. They’re great hours. They’re happy hours. they’re our hours so that I look forward to their moments that I look forward to that I don’t even anticipate what we’re gonna do. I just enjoy it when we’re together, but I also enjoy and appreciate going home. I don’t wanna live together. I don’t wanna live in the same space because once you do that, I think some of the specialist gets pushed to side. It’s not that you don’t love each other. I mean Tess and I love each other very much, but we did start to live in different parts of the house and we would kind of joke about that that I lived upstairs. She lived downstairs and there’s a lot of truth to that I think that’s what makes a successful relationship giving each other space and the old apps to makes absence makes the heart grow fonder and what it comes down to for me is bodily functions. I’m very modest. I don’t want to share our bodily functions and even in this Blog I just don’t even wanna say it out loud. It’s not that I can’t. You know I can say the word fart but do you really need to OK so I think that’s it. We are not gonna have a sexual relationship. I don’t want a sexual relationship and in all the other girlfriends in the past, that was really the main focus of it. You meet somebody you’re attracted to them and after dating a couple times you start having sex it’s a big thing now my big thing is to kiss her good night to hug her. Hold her and kiss her good night and when I kiss her, it’s on the forehead. I kiss her like a little child. I hug her well I hug her as a woman and as a person that I love, I kind of just loved to hug her and kind of rock back-and-forth in fact, one of my fantasies is to play slow music together and dance together. I may do that someday I wanna have romance. I want to surprise her with little things and I’ve been able to do that you know by giving her a little Mr. potato head with a sweet potato and then the heatable mittens and now for Christmas, I’m gonna give her a plant and a couple of picture frames that I got at Burlington‘s garden that we went to the other day. I just love dating her and loving her and being able to say it out loud and I don’t think you need to be married and living together to do that. I’ve actually said that I really feel like I can make the marriage vows over again with Jennifer if I choose to or really, I’m in the process of doing it being it is to love her in sickness in a health most of what we’ve done in the last few months is taking her to medical appointments and then the other night when she almost fainted now I’m a little bit lost. I don’t know what I can actually do well she called me one day. She had fallen on the floor and needed me to help her get up. I wanted to then teach her how to get up and in a work through kind of the gymnastics of it and she said no and later she said she might go to a personal trainer and instead of arguing or saying oh you know I can do it. I let that sit. I let that sit there because if that’s what she wants to do that’s what she needs to do. She doesn’t need me to walk her through them the steps of getting up off the ground. I can do that for her if she wants me to, but this is part of what I’m trying to learn let her be her don’t cast myself upon her. Don’t be over helpful all the time. I think I think she knows that she can trust me and I think she knows she can count on me so that’s why I say I can love her in sickness in his health for Richard for poor. You know I have enough money to go out for dinner. I don’t have enough money to go to Europe and we don’t have any desire to go to Europe. You know we might travel to visit her brother in Holland Michigan. This would be a huge trip and again how will we do it? We’ll probably fly and if we stay in hotel hotels, we’ll stay in separate rooms. I’ve already kind of said that out loud if we ever visit Lauren, we have to figure that out because right now much more comfortable. Just going to Lauren‘s house and staying at her house but I don’t expect Lauren to accommodate Jennifer and I in her own home. Jennifer is not Lauren‘s mother so I think what I’m learning is one. I am falling in love with another woman. I don’t compare her. I don’t actively compare her with Tess. She’s just a different person and I love her for different reasons and a different ways but it’s real and it’s true and it’s good and it’s great. Oh I asked her what her online profile would be if she she’d never done online dating and she said no she had them and then she kind of joked. What would her profile be? You know that she likes woo hoo stuff so we joked about it cause I used to be curious about online dating I told her as a computer geek I thought it might be a great way to line up with somebody with my same interest ironically now that I have all the freedom in the world to do it I have absolutely no interest in doing it and this is before I met Jennifer when test passed away like I said my mind was OK. I lived a wonderful life and now it’s over now. I don’t really feel like it’s over anymore because I do care about Jennifer And. I want to be here with her and I want to do things with her for as long as it lasts even knowing that it won’t last forever it won’t last for 46 years and it won’t last for the 21 years that she had with her husband Robert and sometimes I’m kind of a little jealous of that are not really jealous but kind of wondering what went wrong and she’s never volunteered that and I’ve never asked her and I’m not going to ask her. I need to stop thinking that I need to know you know like I’m curious what what happened between them? They would cause her to seek a divorce when everything she says about him basically he was a great guy. They lived a great life. A very picture as life in Tucson or not add Tucson. I think Flagstaff they had a nice home like she said I wasn’t always poor. They had a pool yeah they just had a nice upper middle class home now she lives in a little house that her brother gave her but she keeps it so neat and clean and it’s so cute and it has a backyard in the front yard and a porch that we sit on and I can literally spend hours with her at her place and never feel uncomfortable. I’m very uncomfortable about inviting her over to my place. I feel like I don’t know. I just feel like I guess I feel like I have to entertain her or what are we gonna do and I’m afraid to just watch TV or just play music I’ve made dinner for her. Everything went very well but for whatever reasons I just feel more comfortable kind of doing nothing at her place than doing something at my place.