Other women

 Other women when Tess passed away another woman emailed me very soon after her passing and I nicknamed her penpal and we developed a relationship emailing back-and-forth and it was very nice and it was gave me a lot of comfort. I never pursued her romantically although I think they were a little indicators of that but I was not physically attracted to her and that’s just a reality that I feel bad about saying it out loud because she was a very sweet person. She is a very sweet person, but I simply did not feel romantically attracted and there have been a couple others so penpal dog walker, Denise 27 JJ massage Mary and now even Stephanie now whether these women are actually attracted to me or not they are women in my life that I feel like I have a platonic relationship with and I want to keep it that way I don’t want to not have their friendship but I do feel this kind of guilt or yeah it’s guilt or obligation to Tell Jennifer about them and have some sort of a showdown with her to say look these women don’t mean anything to me in the way that you mean something to me, but she’s not asking about that and there’s probably no need for me to say anything except for me to be true to that by letting other women know that I have a girlfriend which is what I’ve done now ironically, dog walker blew up on me, and I read the text right out loud there to Jennifer and neither one of us could believe it she said I thought she was joking. No, she was really angry and you know what I wrote what I found most powerful and concerning about it was, I felt like she was kind of lying about our relationship I would I made no passes at her? I didn’t show any real interest in her other than being helpful and supportive and she made this big thing about why I was so interested about her drinking half and half which was crazy when I went shopping for her. I got half-and-half for myself and soup and so I got her a bottle of half-and-half in the same chunky soup or whatever and she took it out of the grocery bag and said I don’t want this and I don’t want this fine. I didn’t even say a word but anyway she blasted me and I read the thing out loud without realizing what I was reading until I was midway through it and Jennifer was witnessed to it and then I was kind of afraid to ask Jennifer out, but I said just go ahead and ask her out and I did and thank you God we care about each other and so dog walker actually did me a huge favor by breaking the relationship so drastically it did allow me to pursue Jennifer without any entanglement so that was good now penpal has taken this friendship thing that I’ve defined us as she’s taken a very seriously and she would love for me to call her. She’s made this you know she said this a couple times so I’m thinking about calling her and just being able to talk. I talked to Alice every day or every week and we just talk up a storm and we have a true true true friendship that would never cross the boundaries never even thought about it but with penpal I feel like I’m hurting her in someway so anyway, I might call her just to you know just to be a friend, but I think you can summarize this statement or this blog post as platonic relationships with females are not as easy as I might have thought.