Getting to know Jennifer and me

 Getting to know Jennifer and the funny things she says and the way I just wanna say I love you. It’s just been a very very interesting development in a relationship. I never expected you know when test passed away. All I thought about was it’s over. You know my life has been successful, but it’s over and I went through. You know some really pretty heavy depression you know, but it was only for a few days or maybe a few weeks off and on, but the things that Jennifer says, and the way she says them just endeared her to me just makes me wanna tell her I love her and I’ve been doing that and that’s a good feeling it’s just been a good feeling and like I told her I love loving you OK so what did she say? That’s so unique or funny one thing she talked about her mom and her mom said to her nobody’s looking at you Jennifer was getting ready to go to a dance and she was wondering what dress to wear and she was concerned about it. You know how she would look and you know what the dress you know what dress she should wear typical stuff for a young kid, a young lady, and he know while Jennifer was debating these things out loud her mom just turned to and said what are you worried about nobody’s looking at you and I know it was hurtful I know in the moment it hurt her feelings, but it’s been so funny because it’s giving me kind of an outlet it’s giving me a sense of freedom. I guess when I feel very self-conscious I think about what her mom said ain’t nobody nobody’s looking at you so that kind of helped me get through Thanksgiving and I’ve joked about it out loud with Jennifer And. she seems to have just a great sense of humor about it and she. I think she sees it in a different way now too.

Suddenly, my mind is going blank as I’m literally trying to think of other things that Jennifer has said and I can’t think of anything, but it’ll come back to me, but that’s part of this relationship. We just laugh about stuff. Jennifer will find herself lost and thought she’ll start to talk to me and then she’ll just kind of drift off and sit there and silence and I’ve learned to give her that space and just I don’t know observe her and connect with her on her level in her way and it’s part of why I love her basically I talk too much and sometimes I feel a little bit of uncomfortableness when you know when they’re silence between us and I want to overcome that and I told her that the other day we don’t need to make conversation all we need to do is know we’re there for each other and I think we’re learning that I love doing for her I love feeling needed by her and yesterday when I offered to take her to her doctors appointment, she said well you know I love your company now that was a beautiful response. I was worried because it was freezing cold out and I started thinking oh she’s gonna be freezing cold. I should’ve asked her what time she was going in the morning but I didn’t so now it is morning and I’m waiting for an appropriate hour. I think I texted her around 7:30 and that was your answer. You know I love your company so I picked her up and we went out for breakfast and we just had another beautiful day together she ran into a friend of hers, Jackie, and she was offering comfort to her friend whose daughter had just passed away. What a terrible tragedy. I mean, we are all senior citizens, so she’s not a child. I tend to think of you know the daughter as a child almost but anyway my point is that nobody neither one of us expected this and yet their Jennifer was being able to be there for and comfort her friend and it was a beautiful thing and I see Jennifer that way I said told her I see her as the adult in her relationships, including ours, and we kind of laughed about that I think that’s part of what I love about her. We can talk about deep subjects, but we move through them and we end up laughing about them and I’ve tried to learn to accept compliments like she said to me in a text she said you’re so sweet and instead of coming back with anything a smart remark, you know I owe you make me sweet or you’re sweeter than I am some bullshit like that I just let it go. I just let it sit there. That’s what she said about me and I I need to learn to accept it and accept the silence and don’t feel like I have to fill in every single gap.