The Ebb and Flow - Part One

 

[Music] And here we are. This is Pete and I have my lovely friend Alice on the other end. And we are going to share our wisdom of life. And today's topic is what heaven flow and sometimes Peter sometimes lack of wisdom. Oh my god. Well, lack of wisdom. Well, Alice, that might be the air of the flow then. You might have just hit the nail on the head. Well, or wisdom and lack of wisdom. That's a good one. Yeah. Wisdom and lack of That's great. There you go. Which one are you? Well, God. Oh my gosh. You know what's

great? I'm happy with with myself when I'm either one. Now, when I was young, I always wanted to be the wisdom side, but now that I'm older, I like being the lack of wisdom. There you go. I just like to be flighty and funny and happy and goofy and not worrying about being wise, you know, right? being yourself and being happy with yourself. I you know, Alice, it's truly a huge accomplishment to be happy with yourself. I I take this from watching, you know, what little I skim off the top of any news, but celebrity news, People

magazine, this kind of stuff. Like I say, these people that are our icons that are so successful in the field of entertainment and yet they're out there with their struggles, you know, they're having struggles and one of that one of those struggles is being happy with themselves, you know, they can they can play really is and and being content with yourself, right? And I getting to know yourself. Boy, you're hitting all the big that's all. You got to get to know yourself. And it's taken me years to do that. But

one day I thought, you know, I am kind of fun to be with. And that was like a a real revelation for me. I'm not fun all the time. I know that. But it's wonderful when you realize who you are and you are comfortable with yourself and you're happy with yourself and you enjoy yourself and all that's so true and all that is also very true that to some extent you have to kind of mature into that um through experiences in life because like our topic the last time was validation and we we had eight excerpts but the eb

and flow is part of that the eb and flow. I think what you're saying if help me if I'm wrong but or clarify it because we're saying that nothing lasts forever which is another kind of flippant kind of almost thing to say but when you're going through tough times I think it's very good and helpful and useful to know that this won't last that somehow you will get through it and I think that's what we were talking about the eb and flow sometimes when you get depressed or down or feeling Part of that is, "Oh my god, I'll never

get through this. Never life will never be good again." But a lot of times if you hold on long enough, it does. And you know what? You know what just hit me? Yeah. I've never cared for the expression, "This too shall pass." Right. Right. Right. The first time I ever heard it, it was in relation to a couple I knew who their son had passed away. Right. And I it just didn't work for me. It sounds flippant, you know, and that's Yeah. And I think the eb and flow takes you to the ocean and Right. I don't know. It It's

I don't want to be flippant and say, "Okay, Peter, this is going to pass." You know, just get over it, right? I think it has that undertone of get over it. This is going to pass, move on, over next. Well, you know what? That's not healthy. I don't think I think you need to go through it your own way at your own pace and go through that eb and flow on your own. But however, I'm saying this, that's not true for everyone. Some people may find that expression very comforting. It's just I don't Well, it's Yeah, it's like

everything is depends on who says it, how they say it, and the context and everything. But just, you know, off the top of my head, there you go with another cliche. Uh, it sounds that I I chose that word flippant. But I think if you're comforting somebody and trying to help them through it and there is somebody on your list there that that we're specifically thinking about. But you know I think sadness this is kind of how I'm seeing it as well. You kind of just have to feel what you're feeling and really allow yourself to feel it.

But then as you allow yourself that freedom it does tend to lift. it does tend to move on, you know, a little bit or you learn to live with it in a certain way rather than letting it crush you. Yes. And trying Okay. One thing that I've learned through time is if someone's hurting, right, and I'm uncomfortable around them while they're hurting, right, I need to remember that they need to process their feelings and I need to let them have that time to process their feelings. Even if it's a little awkward for me,

it's a gift to them because it's not about me, it's about them. Alice, again, I just have to tell you, you your words of wisdom really truly are wisdom and so thoughtful and so meaningful because you really just said a very important thing right there that the sense when a person is hurting and and you know your friends or whatever, but they don't want they don't want to impose their their sadness on you, you know, they don't want to oh, you know, I don't want and and you know, the fact that you

are supporting them and being supportive of them and allowing them to express their feelings that does allow them to move through it. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't mean that you solve it for them or fix it or anything else, but you're not Zeke. I'm yelling at my dog while you talk about kids. This kid, this dog is my kid. Um, but anyway, again, I think you said it so well. you are there for them and for them means literally being them there for them and uh letting them express how they actually

feel and not having to feel like they have to cover it up, you know, like that. But you were also Go ahead. No, I was just going to say and when I was younger, right, and someone was suffering, I wanted to make them happy, right? because I because I thought that was what was the right thing to do. I just didn't know any better, right? And it, you know, it's taken me decades. And that's the part of growing older that's so beautiful is you realize that you don't have to make I guess looking back we we

think or believe or our gut tells us that we should be happy happy joy joy all the time. No, that's not the way life is. No. Right. And to become comfortable because I used to feel awkward with people that were sad and I wanted to make them happy so we could all rejoice. And then as you realize the gift you can give someone is just to listen to them and and be their support for what they need, not what you want them to have. Oh my gosh, Alice, you're so you're so right on. That's so real and so true because

like you said, we we certainly want them to be happy, but wanting them to be happy, you know, by telling them a joke or patting them on the back saying, you know, you'll get through this or, you know, all things this too shall pass or whatever. Those things can actually interrupt and pro prohibit the person from feeling or expressing their feelings. And it can delay sometimes I think what you actually want to happen. And I think like you said, I do think it's a matter of age and wisdom because I wouldn't blame you at all when you're

look like you're saying when I was younger I did this. No, that was who you were then and that was perfect. That was great. But now you have a little bit different view and wisdom on the whole thing. And I I'll throw in something that I've experienced with myself. Um, first and foremost, I used to think old people. First off, that that age that what's old keeps shifting. For one thing, the older I get, the younger it is. But, uh, I used I didn't really think they had feelings, you know? I didn't think my I

didn't think my old man gave a damn if I called him the old man. You know what I mean? I just figured he he's a man. He's a He's a grown-up. He doesn't have feelings. Or or let's say I don't think I felt that he was vulnerable to some stupid little kid making a remark. But now I realize, no, that's not true. As a senior as a senior citizen, I'm very uh sensitive to what other people say and think. I might have gotten, you know, a little tougher skin, but I'm saying I have a better insight, I think, now with

old people or, you know, what what we feel. Um, since I'm on a roll, let me say something else. Okay. So, I used to be a scared of I sound like uh um Joe Pesky, but anyway, I used to be afraid of nursing homes and old people. It kind of spooked me, you know, freaked me out. Now, I'm starting because of what I'm doing. I'm going in, I'm visiting people and Alice, it's a whole new insight of more or less these are people too. Now, there's certain people I can't approach or or feel comfortable with, but

in general, I think I'm broadening my horizon of who people are and and uh especially old people since now that I'm one of them. And even there, I don't feel like I'm one of them, but yet and still, I I kind of have I do realize it. But going back to you, so so what were you Go ahead. Oh, I just want to add recently I've started saying older. I'm an older person. Yeah. In part, that's because I don't want to be old. And I had a conversation with one of my family members today and they were pointing out

how today a 60 no a 75 year old 60 year old person is not as many years ahead of a 50 year old person as they were decades ago. I see. You know, it's you know there can our culture today I guess with more acceptance and more thought about who we are. It's not just old, middle-aged and young, right? It's older. Yes. Middle age, younger, and you can have like a 45 year old and a 15y old that can get along fine. The generation gap is not as distinct as it was in Bye-Bye Birdie. You're so right again. You're so right

again. Uh because like you said when we were growing up from my perspective we're kids, you know, and even into our 20s, you know, our 30s or even 30s, you know, they're the parents. They're the parents. They're the grown-ups. And we felt like we were more or less reinventing or rediscovering everything or discovering everything for the first time. We had no idea that our parents knew what sex was or what we're doing sneaking out late at night or anything. We thought that, you know, their generation doesn't know crap. You know,

we're the ones that are cutting the rug. But, you know, now you realize, you know, your parents were people, too. But there was more of a distinct difference between the generations. There really was where now I feel like you're I think what you're saying is we have like a little more in common, I think, is what we can talk about now. I think so. And I don't know, it's it's interesting for us to kind of look into why it's that way now. I don't know why it doesn't matter. However, it might be unfortunately so many of our things come

from the media, you know, watching TV, right? And you know it's not Leave it to Beaver anymore. No, it isn't. And I I watched that and I love Leave it to Beaver. I know. I found it, Alice. I found it. I purposely watched it just to see what it was like and so forth and you know because I remember growing up watching it. But it was interesting and it was very like you're saying like we're kind of saying the roles were very distinctive. You know, the mother and father lived in their realm, but then they'd have to,

you know, deal with what Beaver got into trouble or whatever. Then you had Eddie Haskell, the smart ass, the wise guy. But I loved Eddie. Oh, yeah. Eddie was my man. I loved him. He was the man, you know. But well, I showed I showed some Eddie Haskell clips to my grandsons and they were like, it just I I think there's for our Well, oh, I do know what I can say is my grandkids like to watch um Sheldon, you know, the Big Bang Theory and all the other shows. And when you watch those, the adults are so different than they

were in Leave it to Beaver, right? And that's kind of where I'm sure it's more complicated than that. And I need to do some research on it, but it's just I think it's in a way good that there's less of a generation gap. I think I think it's good. I think that's a little bit what what we're saying or a lot of what we're saying. I think there is a very distinctive generation gap when it comes to the tattoos and the the piercings. You know, I wondered when we were growing our hair, I wondered what the next generation would do. And

now I'm finding out. But I'm telling you, Alice, what I find out in that same process, I'm talking to a young lady with a nose piercing. And after I stop looking at that, she's a very polite and well spoken young lady or young man or whatever. And and so I'm it always still kind of still impresses me because that was such a no no really an unknown really, you know, doing those kind of things in our generation. But and I have to say that I don't want to be an older person who says, "No, I would never do that. That's, you

know, and I think that what you're saying is they're doing their own thing. We already had the long hair and whatever we had, but they are doing their own thing. And as long as they're not hurting their bodies or their souls, right? It's great. Well, not great. No. No. No. It's who they are. It's who they are. It's who they are. And you're exactly right. Each generation has to distinguish itself and kind of send signals back and forth saying, "Hey, you know, you're part of my generation and vice versa." And that's how they

identify with each other. But I guess what I'm saying to you also is instead of it being offensive or however like putting off that I would have thought it would have been, they're very polite, caring, wellspoken young people. And so Exactly. I I'm I enjoy talking with them and you know doing business with them or whatever we're doing and um so that's all I'm saying now. Well, we can dwell on it too long, but I know when you know cuz I when I watch these videos about the Beatles and stuff, they're being

interviewed that well that long hair people just couldn't get over it, you know. Oh my god, long hair, the world's coming to an end, you know. But now it looks so innocent, you know. I know. And my dad, my parent, my dad loved I want to hold your hand. I was, it was so cool. My dad was so And he loved the twist. He role modeled accepting youth. That is great. That really is. He role modeled accepting. And I didn't realize that till just now, but he he Dave and I took him with our kids downtown Asheville

to this restaurant we'd heard about and it was delicious. And so we come out of the restaurant and dad says, "Was our server a man or a woman?" Uhhuh. With no anger, Peter. Right. Right. He was just He wanted to know. Yeah. It was that goth phase, you know, the goth Right. Yeah. hair and everything. And I just never will forget. And because he was such a good role model for not being real judgmental, he didn't want people to hurt themselves or do unkind things to other people. But he was very accepting of who you were at

97. you know, he he just and I just that will never leave my memory, I don't think, because he could have said something unkind, but he was just trying he he didn't understand it, Peter. He just didn't understand it. I get it. I understand. I hear what you're saying. And we've reached that 20 minute point. So, I'm going to stop it and start it so we don't lose this. Okay. So, I think you hit on a really great topic, Alice, as usually we do as we just start rolling. So, I'm going to turn it off and then we're going to

start it again. [Music]