The Ebb and Flow Part 2

 

[Music] We do have to remind everybody that we've known each other for 55 years. You got it right this time. 55 big 55. It's huge. Which is so cool. Which is so cool. It It really really is. It is. And it's I mean I think we're in a way Peter. No, not in a way. I'm going to just say right now I'm happier than I've ever been since I was young. Well, Alice, I heard the hesitation. I heard the words. I heard the hesitation. Can I throw in mine on that? Yes, you can. Well, because because I Here's what I'm thinking. in

eb and flow. I said those very words to myself walking down the street in the midst of the hurricane recovery and I said I've never felt so happy. I was so energized. Then I thought, oh my god, how can you say that when you know your wife has passed away? And I'll tell you why. Because one had nothing to do with the other. The love that we had, the life that we had, the loss that I had is is just as real as it can be. But talking about the eb and flow, the flow, we'll call it, of being in the midst of

kind of an energized situation where I was meeting people and kind of semihelping people out and really kind of just trying to survive myself. It was very energizing and it was, you know, it was part of what we were talking about earlier, learning more about yourself, uh, you know, learning to know yourself. So, when you were just saying what you were saying that, go ahead and say it. You're happier now than ever or what what were you saying? Happiest time of your life. Yes. And I I believe it's

because I'm accepting the eb and flow of life, right? And I think that's what my father modeled for me so beautifully. Well, everything you said, I mean, I knew Chick in a certain level, in a certain way, but also obviously it's just as your father, but now you I'm learning more about him as well. And like you said, he was a very accepting man. He was very supportive of of you. Well, and he, you know, when he was very young, his mother died, and that was very traumatic, but he had all these siblings and a father

that loved him. And you know, he just went through all the es and flows of life with acceptance. That and that that's very well said, very well put. Yeah. Accepting it. accept reality as what it is and not see it as all good or all bad, but just kind of like you're saying, part of the eb and flow. Yeah. He just accepted loss and he accepted good times and difficult times and loss. He just accepted all of those so beautifully. Not because he he did it. It's just who he was. It wasn't like he was saying, "Well, I'm

going to accept this." Right. Right. It was just who he was as a human. Who he was. Yeah. How he handled things. How he handled things. And I'm grateful for that because I want to move that way as I get older and older. Well, right. Exactly. Don't we all? You're right. And you know, like I've kind of made a joke about death as my hobby, which I'm saying that as I do many things kind of half tongue and cheek, but uh I was telling you earlier in the other one that, you know, all people used to freak me out. Going into

a nursing home would freak me out. Now I'm doing it as a volunteer. I look forward to talking to these people. I look forward to our conversations. They're very they're just sweet, nice people. They're they're in a different phase of life. But no, but now I'm much closer to that time that that phase and now I just feel like well this is such a blessing that I can share a little happiness with them even for just a few minutes in a week and but you know I kind of try to be consistent that way and u it it's opened up a whole new

world for me and as I say I'm not I can't say I'm not completely not afraid of old people but I've changed my opinion and my feelings ings about them and like you said they're not old they're just older but you know I think there are benefits to to as we get older there benefits to our understanding of life and that's I think what we're talking about and somehow it's more peaceful yes I'm not chasing well you know when you're 1920 you're looking for your future future, you know, right? You're planning

go to college or go to tech school or get a job, whatever you're doing. And then are you going to get married? Are you not? Are you going to do this or that? And then after you've launched your family, what however your family may look after you've launched that family, then you can just sit back and enjoy the ride. And yet I do sit back and enjoy the ride, but I also don't sit for very long. No, I'm just up and moving. I love to be up and moving. It's just my personality. It's not right or wrong. It's just who I

am. But it's just a I think we have it easier in some ways, maybe more difficult in others, but easier in some ways because we're more accepting and less judgmental than our predecessors. Do you agree? I do. I do. I think we've touched on certain reasons why technology and so forth, the music doesn't go away. We're not as divided as we used to be as far as our generations. I I was thinking about something while you were singing. I'm going to see if I can recoup this. Um, you can, Peter. I believe in you.

See, thank you. Thank you. you off. Well, here's the here's because what you were saying, let's the difference between the 20s, let's say, and and the 70s cuz I just did a little post about love in the 70s, not the 1970s, you know, the 70s ones, twos, threes like that. My point being, you know, that is it possible to fall in love again and is it is it okay? And is it um is it going to be the same or different? So, let me answer a couple of those things because when you're young, like you said, there's a tremend I think

there's a tremendous amount of pressure to want to fall in love and all the music aims that way. And, you know, we just lost Ryan Wilson and, you know, to me, the Beach Boys was the love music of our times. Uh, Beatles were the fun music. Um, but my point in saying this is, yeah, it you wanted to fall in love. You wanted were you going to get married? Are you going to get married? You know, what's going to happen? And women are thinking about that. Guys are thinking about that. Are you going to be

able to get a a job? You know, make a living. All these things. Now, like you said, most of all that's behind us for the most part. We made it. We did it. Um I have no real I have no regrets really. Everything that was was great. where I'm what I'm raising the question right now is a couple well a year ago it was Pete and test Pete and test Pete and test that's who we were that's who I was that was our identity that was my identity I joked with a neighbor I said it's like a it's like a tattoo all right

just oh that's so sweet I love that oh my god well thanks I love the tattoo that's I meant it in a good way too. I meant it in a good way. Oh, that's a good thing. I love it. But what I'm what I'm noticing in myself is that more recently in the last what weeks or months, I started signing off as Pete and Zeke because the people who know me now noticed that. Yeah. Pete and Zeke. I noticed that. Yeah. Because the people who know me in the neighborhood around and about whatever, you know, they know Pete and Zeke. Pete and Zeke.

That's how I am, you know, now working with the agency I'm where I'm volunteering. It's very much Pete and Zeke. So, what I'm trying to say to you, Alice, is that, you know, that was a gradual move from Pete and Tess to Pete and Zeke. And I don't know if this is a a weakness or strength or whatever, but you know, I feel very comfortable doing this. And people love Zeke and I, you know, I ride on his coattails. But what I'm trying to say and ask you is could it end up could there be a Pete and Sue or a Pete and

Megan or a Pete and Jennifer? You know, could there be a new person who I start to identify myself with? And is that something that I'm not craving it like I think I did in the 20s or wondering if it'll ever happen. But I am asking you as part of this discussion, you know, is it possible to fall in love again in your later years? It is. It definitely is. It definitely is. And it's it's a different experience because you're not 20s, 30s, you know, planning a family and, you know, launching your new life.

It's sharing good times and being there for each other. And you know, it's a it's love, but it's a well, it's a it's not more mature, but it's more you're seeking it out for what you enjoy, not what you're planning for the future. Wow. Okay. Is that it? I think that's it. Well, I was giving you a room there because you really were thinking about that, trying to think and trying to find the words for it. It's I guess like we're like I was saying and like you said, happiest time of my life. I didn't mean that as a slant on Tess or

like, well, I'm over it. No, I didn't mean it that way at all, but it was it was a it was a discovery of, oh, I am happy again or I am happy. Not again really. I'm just happy. And um and now in it's just being connected, Peter, right? You're connected to someone else and you can give them joy and they can give you joy and it's not with the same expectations. Not with the same expectations. You're not trying to start a family, raise a family, find a career. But I think you're exactly right. What I have found,

and I've said it to myself, I'll say it to you. I just love love. I love loving somebody. I feel better if I'm making somebody else happy. If I can do something for them. It just it's just something I'm realizing about myself. And you know what? You're the one that helped me frame something for another friend on a whole different topic. That's fine. But but you and I were you were talking about Jethro Tall having the song, it's only the giving that makes you what you are. And then he has another song, it's only the taking

that makes you what you are. And a friend of mine was saying, you know, that she didn't want her friends to have to help her and do this and that for her. And I said, you know what? I get it sort of, although I don't I'm not there yet, but I do kind of get it. But if you take away the taking, you're taking away someone else's joy. In other words, wow. If you say to me, I want to pick you up and take you out to dinner and I feel like, you know, I can't drive. I'm just pretending I can't drive and I can't do this and that.

I don't want you to feel like you have to do that. And so I feel guilty. Yeah. Well, that's taking away your enjoyment, right? because and you know I'm a tall girl. I love Jethro Tall. And I did find both of those songs. The first one, it's only the giving that makes you who you are and then it's only the taking. And I realize it's kind of the eb and flow, Peter. Oh gosh. Yes. Yeah. Well, you know, and I think that's so important to remember. that it's just really great to be able to receive. You know, you want to give love, but

it's also be wonderful to be able to receive it. Well, I I appreciate hearing that and I I hear what you're saying. It's easier for me to hear it about another person, but I think you're I think you're right about something here because I've said, you know, every artist needs an audience. The audience does play a role. Um because without the audience, the artist doesn't doesn't have any feedback. Even if they're doing their their art for their own purpose, their own way, it still feels good to have

somebody appreciate it. And I think with this love thing, as I said, I've I don't want to smother somebody with it and, you know, make it uncomfortable for either one of us, but at the same time, I find such enjoyment in saying nice things or what I can't really even say what it is exactly. It's just uh you know, if I send them a link and it's and they like the song or or they like the whatever it is, I sent them the movie reel. It's just a matter of or like you just said, we went out for dinner, had a

great time just sitting there talking and swapping stories. And what I've been learning and what I've been experiencing is I feel that way when we're just sitting around doing nothing, just talking to each other. And it's just an enjoyable time getting to know somebody. And that's that's really 98% of it. Getting to know somebody, but also feeling like you want to know them and want to care about them and and but the part you're saying might be important for me to hear too because maybe they cuz she'll say, you know, do you want do

you want a glass of tea? Do you want this or that? She's very thoughtful and you know, instead of saying no, it's not I'm fine. you know, maybe it's good to be a little bit on the receiving end, you know, and that's also she, you know, she wants to pay her way and everything. Oh, no, don't worry about it. But, you know, I don't want I've I've said this to so I can say it to you. I don't want to whine and dine you. I'm not trying to win you over in some kind of plastic way. You know, let me show you a good

time. Not that at all. I feel though that you know it's it's something I can do. Let's put it this way. And if you want to treat me to lunch or anything or just we share the expenses, that's great, too. Anyway, it's just been interesting. It's been an interesting thing. Me getting to know a new person who I care about. You have found Peter and you're, you know, spending all this quality time together and doing a lot of things together. And that's why I'm asking you. I think that's part of our conversation as

suddenly single, losing our spouse, finding new relationships. I won't even call it love necessarily, but new relationships. And yeah, damn it, it might be love. You know, it's no disrespect to our former love. That's what I'm saying. Okay. No. Okay. No, no, no. because that is a whole another chapter in our lives. Right. Right. And I think the beauty of it is when you meet someone else and you're enjoying each other, you give to them and they give to you. Yes. It's like, you know, not that it wasn't that way with our

former relationships. It was, but this is without the encumberments of marriage, careers, raising kids, you know, all those. I mean, I look, it's funny. A lot of my friends and I say we look back and think, "How did we ever do it?" I know. Yeah. We were just running, running, running all the time. And but God knows, Alice, talking to you is so great because you just said it so well. You know, the encumberments because that's really in a way what it is. They're wonderful things, but they certainly are encumberments because they

weigh on you because you know and you know people uh well anyway we don't need to talk about that so much. Just our thing tonight is the eb and flow. Um yes and learning to live again, learning to love again and learning to love yourself in the process. That's part of it. That's the beauty of it. Okay, Peter, I'll leave you with this funny bunny. All right. Years ago, I was with some three of my really good friends at the beach and we were just, you know, having the best time just letting our hair down and I said, "I

love myself." I had never said that before. But you know what's funny about it or interesting or wonderful? I do love who I am. Yes. Not every day, every moment, every week, every month, every year. I enjoy the fact that I can celebrate myself. And I think that's what it is more for me now than loving myself. I just can celebrate the fact that I enjoy letting my hair down and acting funny with myself. That's it. And that's it. That, you know, that helps you through the eb and the flow. Helps you through the eb and the flow.

And if you love yourself or respect yourself or whatever, then you literally, as we're talking about this, you literally are more able to give to another person because you're not seeking constantly seeking validation or you know, oh my gosh, I had never thought of that, Peter. You're Oh my gosh, you're right. Well, it's true because the irony of it is true. You know, you you want to be needed, you want to be loved, whatever. But I'm I've learned this part and I'm I I'm saying it. You can love be needed in a way, but

I'm telling you, it'll wear you out after a while. This person that I'm talking about is she is so like, well, is she like you? No, it doesn't really matter. She's like you in this way. She has a lot of friends and they she loves her friends and cares about them and takes care of them. And I I feel like this gives you a fuller life that you can then also share with your other person, you know, who might become your significant other or might not. But the mo the p the most or the most important thing is you're you're a full person in

of yourself. That's really what's important, you know, and that's what my dad achieved, Peter. I never This is brilliant. I mean, I love what you because I never had it said that way. How did you just say you said you achieve yourself as a whole person within yourself? Yeah. You you are a whole person within yourself. you like you said your thing was one day you just you know shouted out loud I love myself and it was a discovery but it's also a very important discovery because when you love yourself doesn't mean you're

arrogant self-centered like that it means you're comfortable with yourself therefore you can love another person and you can give to another person because you're not you're recording this because you're not constantly seeking from them you know that So, this is Please tell me you're recording this because recording. I don't know if it'll make it because this even if it's just between you and me. Yeah. This is phenomenal. I just Yes. In other words, Peter, you can be alone, alone, alone, alone. And because you're

comfortable and love yourself, it's okay. Alice, you're funneling back to something right in the beginning that I thought I heard and now I'm going to repeat it. And like you said, it's just between you and you and me. When we first started this conversation, which was over an hour ago, you said to me that you had an extra 24 hours. Suddenly you found out because of changing plans, whatever, you had an extra 24, 48 hours alone with yourself in your home and you were so happy to have that extra time to

be yourself. That was new. This is This is groundbreaking. That was new. I was thrilled to hear that. I know. I've been having so much fun. Well, today was lunch cup lunch cup day. And now I'm really Okay, Peter, one thing I'm work not working on I want to do is I have girlfriends in the neighborhood and they want to do things with me. And so one of them said, "Can you go to the pool next week?" And so I said, "Yes." So I'm planning things in the future. Yeah, if my girlfriends here because Peter, they're so important to me. Peter

is very important to me, but they are also very important to me and I don't want to give up this part of my life just, you know, to go to Carrie every weekend. There you have it, Alice. There you have it. So, I'm So, I'm Mayor Bedford. I call her Bedford Mary cuz there's Chuck and Mary Shaver Mary and there's Bedford Mary. But Bedford Mary likes to go to the pool and I had this special treatment on my hair and I can't go to the pool till Saturday and I'll be in Carrie by then. But my whole point is she wants to go to the gym. She

wants to go to the pool. And I thought, you know, this Peter has never ever tried to latch me into carry at all with him. He's never said, "Oh, don't go home. I miss you. I love you." No, no, no. I'm the one that was needy based on your own reports. What? Based on what you were telling me just weeks ago, which kind of surprised me that you felt lonely when you were home alone. You needed people and then like I said this this particular conversation, you were suddenly saying, "Oh, I have more time." Oh, fantastic. Great. That

change was great. And today I thought, "Oh my god." But Peter, my entire life, my mother used to say, "Why can't you play alone? Why do you always have to have somebody over?" It's just been my go-to. But I've also been investigating something. Not investigating, thinking about when I was 7 years old. It was two years after my granddaddy died and my grandmother moved across the street from us. And I asked my brother recently, I said, "Jay, when did I start spending the night with Gran?" He said,

"When you were seven years old." I said, "Well, what was my job?" He said, "You were supposed to take care of her." I said, "What?" I said, "I never knew I was supposed to take care of Grant. I just thought I was there to watch uh what?" Yeah. Days and Andy. Amos and Andy and all these. Right. Right. Jay said, "No, you were supposed to be there in case she needed you, Peter. She never needed me." But I've kind of been thinking about that lately. Not in a negative way, but I just was today I was shocked when

Peter said he was going to try to change the tickets Thursday night. And then he said, "Oh, I can change them to Friday." I was like, "Oh my god, I have two more days here." Yeah, cuz I love my house, Peter. I love it. See, and so I'm growing, right? Yes. And also, like you say, and I'll take credit for it. I said, "Don't sell your house, Alice. I I told you do not sell your house until at least you talk to because I want you to have your Alice, Alice McCrackenhurst. You can you can be my best friend. You

can be Peter's best lover or, you know, best significant other, but you can still be you. And I think you're more giving and more whatever it is." Uh, I I I need better words, but like taking care of your grandmother, it wasn't didn't mean you had to spoon feed her or do anything. It meant you were there. Your energy being there was taking care of her, was giving her a sense of being, a sense of purpose, a sense of Well, and Peter, for the first time in my life, I started thinking, is this why I'm a giver? Yeah.

And I don't let me just tell you one thing right now. My mother was a tough nut to crack. She was not easy to live with. I never begrudged going to my grandmother's house because grand never got mad at me the whole time I lived there. Yeah. Never. And I was named for her and she was just so sweet to me. But I started thinking Peter from age seven to like well I remember my high school boyfriend taking me to see uh what was that show in Cold Blood that movie. I came back to Grand and I had a nightmare and I clawed the the blinds in

my bedroom. So my point is I was spending the night with her when I was in high school. Yeah. Yeah. And that's not bad or good. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I've been kind of contemplating how that shaped me. Yeah, sure. That's part of the beauty of being this old, Alice, is you get a chance to review all these years in your life and kind of rese and you know what I'm going to do this week. I was always called grand my grandmother was always called big Alice and I was little Alice with all of my mother's side of the family.

And so now I'm saying big William and Little William for Asher and Bennett as a joke. Yeah. And if they don't like it, I'll stop it. They might not it. Alice, I'll just throw that. What' you say? I said they may not like that. You said something about them being shorter, the brothers, whatever. Being big and little has different impact on different people. I wouldn't necessarily go there. Okay, I won't go there. I mean, you can, but I'm just giving you more thought there. No, thank you, Peter, because I

don't want to do anything to do any damage. But today, I thought I don't have a picture of me and my grandmother who I spent five out of seven nights a week for decades with Wow. See, I'm learning something about you every time, Alice. I don't even know who the hell you are. Every time we talk, I I learn more stuff I never knew. Oh my god. My my grandfather died when I was 5 years old and it was sad and it was probably it could have been maybe avoided but what Jay told me my brother told me that

when I two years later see he remembers all this because he's four years older than me he said two years later my mother had bought a house with grand's money across the street from us. So at age seven for 10 years until I went to college and I'm not Peter. I'm not at all sad cuz I loved my mother. I adored her beyond words and she was much easier to live with. But but I have I was there every night with her for 10 years from 7 to 17. And I've just recently thought, you know, how did that change my life?

I don't look at it as a negative at all, but it did take me away from my mother and dad and my brother, but I was supposed to I just thought I was there to entertain her. I didn't know I was supposed to take care of her. Well, I see the entertainment as also the taking care of. Well, I guess so. And she I'm going to send you a photo. I'm going to frame this these two photos of her. I won't send you my grandfather, but I'll send you my grandmother. It's so cute of me as a baby. Yes, it's all about me, Peter. It's all

about me. Oh my god, you're such adorable baby. Oh, okay. Cuz I don't have No, because Peter, the first baby picture of me when I was adopted is not cute. But this one now. Where is it? Okay, listen, Alice. Let's let's end this conversation. Seriously, I swear to God, I I think we could talk all I don't even know about all night. Wouldn't even cover it. Let's just say the eb and the flow has flown out of this particular conversation. I think it was a good topic. Well, I think it's a great topic. You Let's go. Let's

come back to it. Oh, well. Oh. Oh, this and flow is a good topic. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. It was. But That was a good topic. You know, you've got 24 hours or 48 hours left of your freedom. Um, enjoy the hell out of it. Have lunch with your your buddies. Enjoy yourself. I already did that. I had that today. But tomorrow, but tomorrow, my neighbor across the street from New Jersey, no, from Long Island is coming over to hang out with me. There you go. So, um, you've got But Peter, I just

have to say I'm so glad that you're having fun with Jennifer. Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm very I'm very Yeah, I'm very happy because like you just said, it's fun. It's exciting. It's new. and I asked you and I know you know based on our conversation and whatever it's not being disrespectful and it's not getting over in fact it's just being able to expand and continue to care about somebody and uh I and I feel that way about her. I I care about her and I don't know if she's going to like oh my god that's we got to

stop this damn conversation because it can go on forever. Peter, you're the best thing that's happened to me in 10 years or 20 or 30 or 40. No, seriously. Yeah. No, I'm serious. It's I can tell you anything and everything and it's so great. So, have a wonderful night and I hope but would you I just need Well, maybe I can have Daniel help me. I don't know how to get See, I got to two of those other I'll just send you the link videos. I cannot I don't know why I'm with this. No, you're not. Stop doing

it. I'll send you the link. No. Well, I know, but I've got to figure this out. I'm not that stupid. No, it's a whole another technical issue. So, don't worry. Don't worry about that. I'll just send you the links to the last whatever eight episodes of validation and if I ever get around to doing this the three or four episodes of uh eb and flow. I love the eb and flow. But you sleep tight until Oh, but Peter, I do want to tell you one more thing. Listen, listen. You could bring, if you ever want to bring Jennifer to Raleigh for a

concert or something. I'm always gone on the weekends, you could have a whole house to yourself. Well, you know, I'm not I'm not ruling anything out. I really am not. I'm not going to say yes because it may never come about. If you ever come this way, obviously I want you to meet her and just be here will be great. But I did We have a new person in the in the group in the in the in the mix and I think you all just hit I just told Asher I said please let me know when I can come see Peter I have never

gone to see Asher alone since I moved here and that's not good. It's not good. So I I told him yesterday I said please let me know when I can come see. So, it may be that I loop up to Hendersonville, but I just want you to know if you and Jennifer ever see anything going on in the capital city of your state. Raleigh, my baby, my little precious. But I'm just saying I'm gone. I'm gone every weekend. You could stay here for free. I'm just offering that. You can't be But you have to want to come here for

whatever reason. That's right. Like a concert or something or the North Carolina Symphony. But Peter, who would have ever thought you were with Patty Shet, I was with Dave, and now, oh my god, I think it's so great that we have each other as friends. That's a fact. We've We've outlived everybody. I got to go, Alice. I swear to God. I know. I'm going to I'm going to say the wrong thing. All right. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. See you later. Goodbye, sweetie.