Joe Dispensa - Being Nice isn’t always so nice

 

Jennifer told me about this guy and I started listening to him and she has a lot of faith than him or confidence or gets inspiration from him. Whatever the connection is there you know my first reaction was Schorr. I’ll listen to him and then as I did, I said well here’s a guy who it’s very much like other positive thinking gurus but he’s kind of the latest rendition has a huge following And he’s figured out the formula for gaining flowers. That doesn’t mean he’s bad that just means that he’s not I don’t know how can I put this? He’s not the only guy who ever thought of this stuff but he’s presenting it. You know in today’s form I think the irony of it is his form is to say oh it’s not positive thinking it’s much much more than that your rewiring your brain your neuropath ways OK, but I think Tony Robbins did that too. The guy who did had to win friends and influence neighbors I mean all these guys had their own methods for promoting positive thinking and now the word is manifesting you know we’re manifesting things we want in our lives when they get all heavy into how do you manifest Well all right my point this morning is I’m listening to him and Dr. Joe will call him. You know he’s got some good points here and I can relate because am I a people pleaser? Am I doing things you know that make me feel good when I’m helping other people when I’m saying yes yeah that’s there’s truth to that and the irony of it is I’ve actually discovered exactly what he’s talking about saying no once in a while really works And you know it’s it’s more or less a situation where you’re not saying no just to say no but you are saying no or I am saying no when I just don’t really feel like doing it or what I can’t do it or I don’t wanna do it, and I found that you know the glass bubble doesn’t break And it’s been an interesting learning experience. I’m not gonna list hear who I said no to I guess I could one would be my brother-in-law you know and I think after I finally said no or you know get back or whatever I said well I know what I said the first time I called him an arrogant son of a bitch he was shocked, but he didn’t melt. He just kind of stepped back a little bit and he was a lot less arrogant and I didn’t lose test either if anything I gained a little bit more on both sides so you know I’m gonna send this to Jennifer because she trust in this guy and he’s gonna tell her in this little Video this morning. He’s gonna tell her to stop being so damn nice to everybody and here’s the irony I want her to be nice to me. I want her to care about me and love me. Yeah I just said it. I want her to love me and yet I don’t really know what to do with that in terms of how much can I actually give back You know because I actually want our friendship to stay effectively as a friendship a love friendship, but still not a marriage as I’ve had in the past with test I don’t believe that I want to try to live together and build a life together in that same way not no not again I want companionship I wanna care about each other you know I want her to like the same music I like or at least you know deal with it. No, I actually want her to like it when I turn up the volume on a rock ‘n’ roll song or yesterday I played some Blake Shelton And you know it makes me feel good if she likes it. I will also respect her if she says you know that’s not my cup of tea, but you know allows me to be myself when I wanna be myself in that respect so you know, I think I’ve learned to not be a yes man on everything that comes along my way and I think that I’m still gonna love and care for Jennifer if she Search herself and not even so much with me, but with other people in her life that I’ve become aware of that she saying you know the tires are out or it intimidates her and I think if she says no or says look, you know you need to sit down with me and be fair. Tell me what you want. Let’s negotiate on what you want and what I want what I need. I’m being vague here purposely but maybe I will say it. Her brother owns her house. I think it’s a very very very uncomfortable situation and it puts him in a very powerful position and I don’t know how you get out from that. I really don’t mean you could move out and go rent another place, but that’s not so economically feasible so I think and I’m hoping because I don’t wanna lose her. you know, I don’t wanna lose this new friendship that we have, but I’m a little concerned about it because what if he kicks her out what if he puts the rent that she just cannot afford then I lose her too And so I’m hoping that she can tell him stop stop treating me like your little sister in in a way where you’re bullying me don’t bully me if you’re gonna bully me then I’m gonna move out even if it hurt even if it kills me you’re not gonna control me and bully me if you wanna sell the place that’s you’re right then tell me that’s what you wanna do and let me deal with it let me figure out how to cope with that you know, cause I’m saying that in her words and I am myself I’m trying to figure it out. I think Jennifer has very strong qualities very strong qualities. She’s smart she’s knowledgeable. She’s very caring she’s very spiritual and then she kind of goes off the deep end for me for me because I’m not all that spiritual, but I’m fascinated buyer in the sense that I’m attracted to her But yet I don’t wanna have sex with her. That’s what’s a weird thing and that’s what strange and different between a man and a woman that you know it’s a new relationship feature that in the past that would be one of my main goals would be to have sex with my female partner and now I’m not feeling it that way I wanna be able to be affectionate. I love like starting to put my arm around her or maybe even kiss her on the forehead you know that would be the level of intimacy that I want or a back rub you know, but it’s it’s so odd because when I realize when I think about old girlfriends in the past it also it always included sex, so am I looking at this in some sort of pre-Puritanical way I don’t know, but what I am saying and look at the words as I say them I want Jennifer to be my neighbor friend Girlfriend And I want her to feel good about herself because I’ve realize now when a person feels good about themselves and they love you and care about you. They actually love and care about you. It’s not coming from a sense of weakness and desperation, and I don’t want that from the other person. I really don’t I don’t wanna be in that kind of power position because I’ve also thought about that you know what if what if she was forced to leave her home and therefore, in fact, forced to maybe live with me if I offered her that option and let her live here as my girlfriend roommate Sharing the rent and expenses, which I thought about, but I wouldn’t want it to occur because she was forced to and you know their lies the difference if she and I developed the relationship to where she could say look brother I’m moving out so you know here’s three months notice or month notice you can put your place on the market and good luck to you Will that be one thing but if he puts his place on the market and we sit here trying to figure out how to survive and one of those ways is for me to say well you can live here as my girlfriend roommate, and we have to figure out how much of your income you can spend you know to support this lifestyle together And then you know I wanna leave everything to Lauren. Well, how can I do that if I have a love relationship with a female, I’d wanna take care of her too. I’ve even thought about that you know do I say well if I you know if I die before she does, do we have a lease where Jennifer is allowed to live here for the rest of her life and then the home goes to Lauren. You know what I put a delay of game in it for that in that way would I give her a portion of my savings you know the savings that Tess and I Developed together these are tacky questions are their interesting questions. There’s tests and there’s may and there’s Lauren Lauren is our baby girl. Lauren doesn’t really need me anymore, but she does love me as her daddy and I feel that I owe her the remains of my savings you know after I live my life and that’s that’s even a debate I’ve been sitting here saying like I don’t want my income to go down or my savings. How can it not go down if I actually spend part of it to live you know to live more comfortably like buying a new car, etc. so you know these are things I’m debating but dispense is making a good point here I’m gonna go back and listen to the rest of it because it’s true you cannot win people over by you know really by kissing their ass as it comes down to nobody really wants to ask us They really know because once you become an ass kisser, then you know they make you kiss their ass ha ha ha ha ha ha imagine that so I think I’m gonna go back and listen to it to hear the wisdom in my thoughts immediately where to send this to Jennifer and say you need to listen to this and I’m gonna probably do That I don’t want her saying no to me just to do it, but I do want her to be herself and to assert herself you know if she wants to watch this movie or wants to eat this food or wants to listen to this music or doesn’t wanna do something. I don’t mind if she says no I really kind of tried to reconcile that what if she does really doesn’t love me or he doesn’t want to love me you know that that’s reality that’s reality that’s who that’s who she is and that’s what I have to accept but like I said right now I’m just gonna finish listening to this tape and then I’m gonna send it to her And then I’m gonna go hiking with Chip